Tag Archives: Miami Marlins

1 Is The Loneliest Number That You’ll Ever Hit: A Reds Series Recap

Game 1:

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Gio and this female reporter have very different reactions to being covered in urine. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Nationals 8, Reds 1

I had my iTunes playlist all ready for Gio’s start. Songs like “Walk This Way,” “These Boots Are Made For Walking,” “Walking On Sunshine,” and many more tunes that would make paraplegics very depressed, were all primed up and ready to be played every time Gio walked a batter. And wouldn’t you know it, Gio lacked control yet again. He walked DOUBLE the amount of players that he allowed hits to. That’s right, TWO walks, and- Oh. He threw an 8 inning 1 hitter? That’s pretty awesome. Knowing Gio had such a good game relaxes me more than those other 1 hitters filled with pot.

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The Ghost of Haren-hal: Formerly Good Pitcher Assassinates Nats’ Chances of Sweep

Game 1:

Jordan Zimmermann knows that in Kurt Suzuki's embrace, he will find a new definition of pain and suffering as he is slowly hugged to death over a thousand years.

Jordan Zimmermann knows that in Kurt Suzuki’s embrace, he will find a new definition of pain and suffering as he is slowly hugged to death over a thousand years.

Nationals 10, Marlins 3

This game was as it should be. The Nationals played the Marlins. The Nationals beat the Marlins, by a lot. The world was in harmony; children laughed and played and there were no sad people at all except for Marlins fans, so there were no sad people.

The end. Continue reading

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Whoaaa ohh no-no-no. Oh-oh-ohhh oh no-no-no: A Braves Series Recap

Game 1:

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This guy just stood there like this during the whole game. It was weird. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)

Braves 6, Nationals 4

Drew Storen should be using Bad Company as his entrance music. No, not the song he currently uses, but rather a song from the Sondheim musical Company, performed very badly to prepare us for the performance that Storen will then have. We could even take liberties with some lyrics to, again, better reflect Storen’s contributions to the team.

What we do without Drew? Win like we usually do.

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Rapid Reaction: Nationals vs. Marlins 4/4/13

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“I know I’m sexy.”

thenationalsdidreallywellanditwasnicetoopentheseasonwithaseriessweepbutwewereplayingthemarlinssoidliketoseewhathappenswhenwefaceatalentedballclubbutthatdoesntmeantimnotexcitedandireallyenjoyedthisseriesokthanksbye

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Opening Dayum: Nats Show Off Impressive Assets In Tight One

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“You see this? This is my nipple.”

Final Score: Nationals 2, Marlins 0.

Dames of the Game…s…: 

Bryce Harper: 2-4, 2 R, 2 HR, 2 RBI. Now on pace for 324 home runs this season, I’d say Harper is falling just short of expectations. But he’s young. Maybe with some more experience he’ll end up like Dmitri Young, who was once on pace for 486 home runs after Opening Day. And who was also once convicted of a crime, a key to being considered a great. Don’t believe me? Well if Lenny Dykstra and Ugueth Urbina aren’t Hall of Fame bound, then I must be completely unaware of the actual definition of the word great.

Stephen Strasburg: Win, 7 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 3 K. After a leadoff single, Strasburg retired 19 straight batters. He made the Marlins look silly. In fact, I haven’t seen a team look as pathetic as the Marlins did today since I looked at the Marlins roster yesterday, and anytime in the past 4 months.

Shame of the Game: 

Rafael Soriano: Being Rafael Soriano. What can you say about a guy like Rafael Soriano? He threw a perfect 9th, showed impressive velocity and control, and I still hate him. Some say “let bygones be bygones,” but I say “drill bygones into your mind so you can always remember who has wronged you.”

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The smell of freshly cut grass. The warmth from the sun’s rays. The semi-irrational hatred of millionaires that I’ve never known personally, building to its highest level since October. Yes, baseball is finally back.

The last time the Nationals took the field in a game that mattered it ended in shock, depression, and misery. Yes, that exhibition loss to the Yankees on March 29th was a real bummer. There is nothing more depressing than losing to a lineup featuring Vernon Wells and Lyle Overbay. But the team looked to move on and improve, and there were many positive signs that suggest the team will do even better in the coming year. Let’s hope these positive signs are accurate, and that the Nationals prove to be pregnant. Pregnant with quality offense, and good defense, and a placenta that I can ultimately eat so that I feel one with the organization.

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2013 Schedule Announced

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The Pope will be back for a crucial late September series.

Teams across the league announced their preliminary 2013 schedules today. Here is the Nationals schedule. It’s a big change from past years thanks to the Astros’ move to the AL, since there will be an interleague game every day of the year. I don’t like it, it’s immoral. We can’t have this mixing of leagues taking over more than it has. What’s next? American League-Atlantic League exhibitions? That is just disgusting to imagine.

The Nats open at home vs. the Marlins on April 1st. A fitting date for the Marlins to come to town, given that the Marlins fooled the entire league into thinking they would contend so they could get a stadium. Hilarious!

Interleague comes to Washington in just the second week of the season as the White Sox will be here. Who will Obama root for? He’s been so confused in the past. I guess there’s always a chance he could be bi.

One of the coolest things in the schedule is a home-home series vs. the Orioles at the end of May. They play two in DC and then two in Baltimore. Could it be a rematch of the World Series? Hahaha. Wait, I forgot that’s not a joke I can make anymore. Yes, it quite possibly could.

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Heck of a Job, Brownie: After Severe Storm, Nats Successfully Clean Up Mess

Us featured on MASN again, though probably not as intentionally on their part as last time.

Final Score: Nationals 7, Marlins 6

Dame of the Game:

Jayson Werth: 1-5, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Jayson Werth was a shame of the game candidate before the rain delay, but afterwards he was the star. I guess Werth is like a flower, he just needs to be watered to reach his full potential. Also like a flower, some people get allergies when they get too close to Jayson. Probably cause of whatever’s stuck in that mound of hair on his face.

Shame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-5, 1 E (should be 2), 3 Earned Runs. A simple grounder went through LaRoche’s legs in the 5th which led to two runs, and a failure to pick a low but easy Zimmerman throw later led to another. Clearly Adam should not be considered to replace Strasburg in the rotation, considering the amount of runs he allows. However, he would be a good fit for the next vacancy for the Marlins closing role.

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The magic we felt upon entering Nationals Park yesterday no longer remained. A decision had been announced that we were all dreading. Many in the ballpark were shaking their heads. But that would be hard not to do, the promotional Ryan Zimmerman bobbleheads were just so fun to play with! They could only distract from the pain for so long though, as the reality set in: Stephen Strasburg is done.

The decision for such an early shutdown was a surprise. But not a good surprise, like a surprise birthday party. No, this was in fact quite the opposite. No balloons, no presents, and 30,000 people in attendance. …nobody shows up for my birthday parties :(.

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Kurt Suzuki Farewell Day is Ruined

The crowd stood and cheered as these two great Nationals walked from the bullpen to the dugout. Clearly, they wanted to savor the last time they were going to see one of them. We couldn’t be sure which one, but it’s safe to assume it was Kurt Suzuki.

Final Score: Marlins 9, Nationals 7

Dame of the Game:

Kurt Suzuki: It doesn’t matter what his stat line was. All that matters is the love for him in our hearts.

Shame of the Game:

Tyler Clippard: .2 IP, 3 ER, 3 H, BB, Loss. It does matter what his stat line was, in that its terribleness directly led to the Nats losing the game.

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We could tell from the moment we walked into the stadium that there was a special atmosphere in the crowd. They were excited, but it was a bittersweet excitement. Clearly they expected to witness something great, but they wouldn’t get another chance to see it for a long time. Though we were initially unsure of what that greatness could be, upon seeing the Nationals battery emerge from their bullpen warm up, we knew. People were standing, cheering, giving their adulation to the player who had given them so much joy over the course of this season.

We of course are referring to Kurt Suzuki. Truly the most important cog in the Nationals machine. The cog to end all cogs. No other player could have provoked such a response. The implication was clear: the evening’s game would be the last that Kurt Suzuki would play at Nationals Park, and the fans were saying farewell. We took our seats and watched history unfold. Continue reading

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Come Join us at Nationals Park on Friday and Saturday

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That could be us!

For just the second time this season, both writers for this blog will be attending a Nationals game together. As you read this, I sit on a bus on my way down to Washington to see our beloved Nats take on nobody’s beloved Marlins.

On Friday, come find us down the right field line in section 134. On Saturday, we’ll be in right field in section 140. You can recognize us by our newly created signs: “Bryceratops,” and “Great Black Shark,” the latter of which was inspired by the people at http://www.Sharkadina.com. We would love to meet our many fans, which we’re certain we have at least one of.

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Mountains of Det: Detwiler Towers over Cubs in Win

“Hey Adam, see those guys over there? They’re on the Cubs.” “Heh.” (Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 2, Cubs 1

Dame of the Game:

Ross Detwiler: 7 IP, 0 R, 4 H, 3 BB, 3 K. Just in case there’s any correlation between the size of the actual national debt and the size of the National Det’s goodness, I say we start a few more wars, give universal health care and college education to everyone, and build a government-funded tower to the sun.

Shame of the Game:

The Cubs. They’re just an embarrassment to humanity.

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82 isn’t a very exciting number in most contexts. It’s a B- on a test, a mildly warm day in degrees Fahrenheit, a normal weight for an anorexic person, and a terrible speed for a major league fastball. But it does have a significance when applied to the number of wins a baseball team gets in a season. 82 is the number that differentiates the teams that succeeded more often than they failed from the teams that failed more often than they succeeded, or worse yet, the teams that succeeded and failed the same amount and thus had zero effect on the universe (lookin’ at you, ’05 Nats. Why’d you even bother?). The Nationals are now guaranteed to finish the season “at least a little bit good,” even if Stephen Strasburg decides to lock the rest of the team in a  closet for the remainder of September because he can’t stand to see them playing without him. Continue reading

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