Tag Archives: Montreal Expos

I. Love. When This Team Wins. Performances by Zimm. And Twins: A Twins Series Recap

Game 1:


“Stephen, this is a baseball.”
“Yeah…I know. Why do you keep following me around?”
(Photo by Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Twins 4, Nationals 3

It had been over 40 years since the Minnesota franchise played in their once hometown of Washington. It was 1971, when they lost to the Senators 5-2. Warren  Magnuson had an RBI double, and Karl Mundt went 6 shutout innings.

But those Senators are long dead, as is the thought of a Washington baseball team winning a game. However I suppose the Nats had a chance, as this Twins team’s chances for success aren’t looking very attractive this season. They’re so unattractive in fact, that they don’t inspire any sort of sexual fantasy involving these Twins. Maybe it’s the fact that instead of two attractive women its 25 men, and that’s what’s making me feel that way.

But then again, I got off countless times to the thought of the ’94 Expos, who, to my knowledge, were 25 men as well. Although I wouldn’t be surprised to find out Larry Walker is just a very butch woman.

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Nick Johnson Retires


This photo was taken as Nick looked into a mirror for the first time.

Nick Johnson will not be playing baseball next year. Which is something that was likely even if he didn’t decide to retire considering his injury history. The Expos/Nationals great has decided to hang up his cleats. Lets hope he has someone to do it for him, because those sharp spikes will probably cause trouble again, considering his injury history.

Nick Johnson retires with a higher career on-base percentage than notable players like Joe DiMaggio, Honus Wagner, and Mario Mendoza. Although one of those isn’t very surprising, Honus Wagner wasn’t all that great.

We will miss you Nick. As will all the team doctors who you created jobs for throughout your career.

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Nats Sign Bill Bray


Yes Bill, I see the ball. No need to show off, it’s not that impressive.

There’s no better follow up to the announcement of Zach Duke Week than a post having nothing to do with Zach Duke. The Nationals have brought back former-Nat Bill Bray on a minor league deal. Bray pitched for the team in 2006 before being traded with Royce Clayton (yes, the Hall of Fame candidate), Brendan Harris, Gary Majewski, and Daryl Thompson to the Reds for Austin Kearns, Felipe Lopez, and Ryan Wagner. With Bray coming back to us I think we definitely won this trade. I was on the fence about Jim Bowden as GM, but now I fully support him.

Bray was a 2004 1st-round pick for the Expos. How he ended up in the Nationals organization, well I’m not sure. There’s no record of a trade between the two teams or anything. It’s as if Bray just appeared in our organization in 2005. Weird.

What? Bowden isn’t GM anymore? Huh…

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Pittsburgh, It Gets Better



Pittsburgh. You did a great thing Monday night. You helped us win the NL East. I know this might feel good in a way, as it negatively impacted the Braves who had hurt you so badly in 1992. But I can still sense that even with this, you’re still depressed. 20 losing seasons is tough. To never have personal success is tough. But as a thank you for how you have helped us, I want to assure you of one thing that us in the Nationals family know to be true that can hopefully get you through this time.

It gets better.

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My Pilgrimage to Montreal

Almost every cultural group has historic sites that attract followers on a daily basis. The cult of Nationalsism is no different. The Nationals current form as a Washington team is relatively new, and has a very brief history.

But while the Washington team is new, the Washington franchise has a rich history that dates back to the 1960s. From 1969-2004, this franchise was known as the Montreal Expos. It is important we don’t forget where we came from, and what made the franchise the way it is now.

This past week, I took a trip to Montreal with a similar mindset to the many pilgrims to Mecca. After all, a trip to Montreal is one of the Five Pillars of Nationalsism, which are all noted below:

1. Kalima. The declaration of faith, professing that there is only one GM (Mike Rizzo) and that Davey Johnson is Rizzo’s manager.

2. Salat. All followers must pray five times a day while facing Nationals Park.

3. Zakat. The alms-giving, where all fans must give to Nationals charities.

4. Sawm. Fasting, which is especially hard cause Ben’s Chili Bowl is really tasty.

5. Hajj. The pilgrimage to Montreal.

I detail my experience below.

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This Day in Expos History: August 24, 2002


While foes on the field, this game’s two starters often hang out off the diamond.

August 24, 2002: Montreal Expos beat San Francisco Giants 7-2.

This game was perhaps the biggest game in baseball history. No, the stakes weren’t high. Simply the cholesterol levels of the two starting pitchers. In an event that surely flattened the mound after innings of downward pressure, Bartolo Colon of the Expos faced off against Livan Hernandez of the Giants. It is fitting that Livan was a Giant. And also fitting that Bartolo was an Expo, because boy, he was a sight for all to see, in that it was hard to see around his fat.

Colon came out on top of Livan (certainly crushing his lungs), getting his 7th win of the season. Jim Brower helped relieve Colon, which took a while to complete because of how much Bartolo consumed in the pregame meal. Scott Stewart got his 17th save of the season, cleaning up at the end of the game for the Expos. This too took a while to complete because of…well you get where I’m going.

I’m going to a very gross place.

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Nationals Release Devin Ivany


Devin never wanted anyone touching his penis.

The Nationals announced the release today of Devin Ivany. He had been in the minors dating back to 2004, when this franchise was still the Expos. It’s always sad to lose another player who can tell us about the fabled days of being an Expo. A time where we spoke in a magical language, wore dapper pinstripes, and played in a toilet of a stadium.

Devin will be missed, but I’m sure he will find his way with another team who needs a a guy to play catcher in the minor leagues forever. Say, the Nationals sure could use some extra catching given all those injuries. I say we give him a shot!

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This Day in Expos History: July 17, 2003

Tomo Ohka was just a blurry man. People would often decide they needed to go the eye doctor after looking at him.

July 17, 2003: Philadelphia Phillies beat Montreal Expos 5-2 in 11 innings.

This one was a real heartbreaker. The boys from Montreal gave everything they had, but couldn’t walk away with a victory. Poor Tomo Ohka, who poured every fiber of his being into that 6 IP/2 R quality start. Think of Brad Wilkerson, who left it all out there on the field when he threw out Pat Burrell at home plate.  Can you find no pity in your cold, cold, feelings-less heart for Wil Cordero, who scampered home to score the game-tying run in the 6th?

And what of Rocky Biddle? Oh Rocky. The Biddler. You never gave up. You never said die. You never put the I in team. You pitched to those two batters in the 9th and 10th, and god damnit you got them out. You sonofabitch. Of course you did.

But all for naught.

All for naught because Tim Drew gave up a three-run, walk-off home run to Marlon Byrd in the bottom of the 11th, sending the Veterans Stadium crowd to their horrible homes happy and leaving the city of Montreal to wallow in anguish.

How could you, Tim Drew. They trusted you. They believed you cared about that team. They thought you’d lay down your life for them; instead, you just lay down.

For shame.

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This Day in Expos History: May 24, 2000


Mike Thurman looking off into the distance to see if he can find a good picture of him on Google that isn’t an autographed baseball card, cause I couldn’t.

Welcome to a new feature here on the Zimmerman(n) Telegram, This Day in Expos History. While the Nationals are relatively far removed from their time in Montreal, I feel it’s important to acknowledge the exciting events that helped build this franchise into the one we know today. In this feature, we will look back at notable games and events from the Expos’ existence. With that, here is the first installment.

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Bartolo Colon Throws 38 Straight Strikes


It was hard to see the excitement in his eyes after leaving Montreal. Maybe cause the chins were in the way.

Former franchise star pitcher Bartolo Colon has had an impressive resurgence in his career. One of the more astounding things he did in tonight’s start for Oakland was throw 38 strikes in a row. I thought it would be a good idea to look at other things that Bartolo Colon has done 38 straight times before.

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