Tag Archives: Nationals Park

The Curse of the Billy Errors: A Cubs Series Recap

Game 1:

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Despite Ryan’s protests, the ump went through with his dick punch, captured here mid-windup. (AP Photo/Nick Wass)

Nationals 7, Cubs 3

This is Ian Desmond’s world and we’re all just living in it. Which explains the amount of accidental gunshot deaths in the news recently. A lot of people are committing stupid errors.

But today there were no accidental gunshot deaths, or even worse, throwing errors for Desmond. Instead he put on a fantastic offensive performance that powered the Nationals to victory. With a home run, a double, and a single, Desmond managed 7 bases while seeing just 6 pitches. So he was a lot more patient than usual. All in all, I’m very happy with Desmond at the moment. In fact, I’m going to order an Ian Desmond jersey right now.

*UPS guy arrives*

Why does this jersey have the number 6 on the back? That’s his old number! Gah, what a stupid error. Didn’t you get the memo MLB shop? We’re not doing that for Desmond anymore!

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National Re-Sign Maldonado, Sign Kruml

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“I had a dream job as a baseball player once….It was awful.”

The long National nightmare is over. After so much speculation, Washington will have Carlos Maldonado back, serving this country, for another year. After Maldonado elected free agency, many weren’t sure if we’d ever see his face again. Or if we had ever seen it in the first place? He’s such an obscure player, I really don’t know what he looks like.

But now we are certain that Carlos will return and be in a position much like Obama is. In a dangerous spot in Washington where everyone is looking to take you out (the Oval Office/behind home plate at Nationals Park), with limited chances that they will get anything done (because of a bitter and unhelpful House/tremendously limited baseball ability). Good luck at leading this great country, Carlos.

In other news (I can call it that since news’ reputation as actually important has taken quite a hit in recent years) the Nationals have signed former Yankee Ray Kruml to a minor league deal. Kruml may not be the most talented player, but he does have the most confusing last name. Krum would be a fine name. We’d be able to make a lot of jokes and signs referring to Krum the Horrible, the 9th century Khan of Bulgaria. It would be a great comparison, since Kruml’s chances of being a major leaguer seem somewhat horrible. But instead we’re stuck adding an “l” to everything. Kruml the Horriblel? Doesn’t quite slide off the tongue. In fact, my tongue broke trying to say that.

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