The black power salute doesn’t send the same message coming from Jayson. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)
Did the Nats win: Was Onannes a fish-goddess of Chaldean myth? (Yes)
Was it fun to watch: The ending was as gratifying as sex. Only this was the first time I’ve felt satisfied thanks to a man’s powerful wood.
Visceral Emotion of the Game: A lingering uncertainty as the best way to go about explaining the excitement-induced mess I made in my pants to the laundromat.
On a day where most of the country watched two of our leaders debate some of the most contentious issues that impact our nation, there is one issue that is certainly not for debate: Jayson Werth is the greatest baseball player of all-time. If you don’t agree with that you’re probably from the past, when Jayson Werth was nothing more than a loathsome hairy man who spent most of his time in Philadelphia. But as that role has been filled by Scott Hartnell, Jayson has found his new place as the single greatest baseball player to ever live.
Many Nationals have often vied for the title of greatest in the past. Some examples:
- Livan Hernandez – Greatest Caloric Intake.
- Nick Johnson – Greatest Mustache (Sarcastically).
- Joey Eischen – Greatest pitcher of all-time.
Not all of them won, like poor Joey, who fell just a tad short. But even as Livan and Nick succeeded, their “greatest” titles didn’t mean much in the long run (aside from taking a few years off Livan’s life). Jayson, on the other hand, is the first National who can proudly claim that he is the greatest without anyone arguing the fact, because I don’t listen to other people’s opinions.