Tag Archives: Nicknames

2012 Nationals Player Profile: Eury Perez

The beginning of what I can only hope is a long and productive career of slamming his head into Mets players’ crotches.

EURY PEREZ’ DARK SECRET EXPOSED

Zimmerman(n) Telegram exclusive: long-hidden origin of Eury Perez’s first name finally revealed.

We have received an explanation of the name from “someone who knew Eury as a child” who only agreed to speak to us on the condition of anonymity. This is that source’s story:

“Heh, yeah. So Eury wasn’t always called Eury. He used to be named something boring, like John or Steve or Dust-Sock. No, it definitely wasn’t Dust-Sock, that was this other kid. Anyway, so apparently one day when he was like 6 he was just standing on the playground and he accidentally started peeing. Bad timing on his part, cause he’d also forgotten to zip up his fly from the last time he peed and no one told him cause it was funny to watch him walk around with his fly unzipped. But the joke was on them because he peed through his open fly and it went all over everyone. Naturally the pee incident was the only thing he was known for until he started playing baseball.

He went home to cry to his parents about it but they thought it was so funny that they decided to legally change his first name from whatever it was to Urine. Urine Perez. As with all kids with terrible names he had to find a nickname that was less bad, so just as you might change Jonathan to Johnny or Steven to Stevie or Dust-Sock to Dust-Socky, he got people to call him Eury instead of Urine.

I don’t think anyone ever told him that he could legally change his name to something else that doesn’t evoke a horrible childhood memory or the cruelty of his parents. But it’s really funny, so you better not be the one to ruin it.”

Mum’s the word, anonymous source.

This urine-related story has been brought to you by The Zimmerman(n) Telegram. The Zimmerman(n) Telegram: at the forefront of yellow journalism.

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The Washington Nationals and Disney

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Drew Storen with a new haircut. I personally think the bangs look good on him.

It was recently announced that Drew Storen has a new nickname thanks to Nationals manager Davey Johnson. “Tinker Bell” became Drew’s nickname because “[Storen] comes in with all kinds of different little moves,” said Johnson. “Also he wears a lot of green dresses, and the fact that upon entering every game he has [bullpen coach Jim] Lett throw glitter in the air in front of him as he exits the bullpen. But it was mostly the different little moves thing.”

This isn’t the first time the Nationals have turned to Disney to nickname their players. Some of the most memorable ones can be found below:

Elijah Dukes once tried to assault Jim Riggleman after hearing that the former manager had ironically named him “Snow White.”

Jayson Werth was nicknamed “Robin Hood” after signing his contract, not cause of his good deeds for the poor, but cause he stole a lot of money from rich people.

Frank Robinson was called “Mowgli” given his reluctance to wear pants. It was a real hassle to get him in them come game time.

Nick Johnson was called “Quasimodo” for a while. It wasn’t a term of endearment, the players legitimately has trouble telling them apart and wasn’t sure who was in the clubhouse.

Gary Majewski was traded because of an unfortunate last name that didn’t mesh well with the Disney theme going on.

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