Tag Archives: NL East Champions

WOOOO FUCK YOU PHILLIES

A joyous celebration turned tragic after a tsunami struck Nationals Park, killing thousands. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

Final Score: Phillies 2, Nationals DIVISION CHAMPS

Dame of the Game:

Everyone! Even the ones who had a terrible game which is most of them!

Shame of the Game:

There’s nothing shameful about winning the division. Normally I’d still give this one to the Phillies, but I’m in a good mood.

——–

The conclusion of this game was beautiful. It was the perfectly emotionally satisfying way to finish the Nats divisional quest. I would have it no other way.

Now, some might say that it would have been more satisfying to actually win a game at home to clinch the division. Wrong. That would have been fun but meaningless, just a 97th Curly W in a near-endless tangle of curls and u’s and victory.

This was so much better. This was the Phillies winning a game at Nationals Park and the crowd full of Nats fans cheering. The consummate act of condescension. Each triumphant clap seemed to say “aw, the wittle bittle phiwwies got a win. How cute! It’s nice that even total failures can have some small victories to keep them from just giving up on existence.” Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Nationals Win the NL East

image

I had no idea the Pirates would be so happy for us.

With a win tonight, the Nationals have won the NL East. No, it wasn’t a Nationals win, it was a win by the Pirates. The Pirates winning tied into a team becoming division champs? That’s rarer than Haley’s Comet.

The Nationals lost vs. the Phillies, but who cares. We’re division champs. We’re safe from the wild card, which to be honest, always did fuck me over in Uno. I’m glad we can sit back and bask in the glory of a divisional title, while Atlanta fights for their lives. Better fight for them while they still matter, cause you have nothing to live for once Chipper is gone.

Tagged , , , ,