Tag Archives: NLDS

Nationals Sign Dan Haren

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Taken moments after a good hand lick.

There are benefits and downsides to sleeping late. On the plus side I feel more rested, I let my sore muscles recuperate, and I spend less time awake still unable to escape the horrible thoughts of game 5 of the NLDS. The horror.

But on the downside people tend to have the nerve to move on with the world while I’m unaware of what’s going on. This morning I woke up to some news that was already hours old. That news is of course that the Nationals have signed Dan Haren to a 1 year, 13 million dollar contract, pending a physical. What am I supposed to do now? It’s hard to draw interest to a story like this when so many have already been written. I need something to attract people. Maybe a few key words will draw a new crowd in, some popular terms that many people search. I’ll just toss a few right in here:

Obama, boobs, Lindsay Lohan, Facebook, colonoscopies, alien mud men, fiscal cliff, The Hobbit, Christmas, Bryce Harper penis (according to our blog’s analytics that is a very popular search), and juice boxes.

Hopefully that gets a new crowd of people to stumble upon this story.

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NLDS Game 1: Moore’s Utopia

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“Ooo, they are cold!” (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)

Did the Nats win: Depends what you mean by win.

Was it fun to watch: When I wasn’t gouging my eyes out.

Visceral Emotion of the Game: Oh no oh no oh no oh no WAIT OH YEAH OH YEAH!!!

Sometimes things take a while to get going. It takes time for an oven to heat up, it takes time for me to muster up the courage to look at a picture of Tom Gorzelanny, and it takes time for the Nationals to realize that they should stop doing so poorly in the biggest game in this team’s history. But you know, that’s easy to forget to do. Despite getting out on top early on, the Nationals did not play at a major league level. They didn’t even play at a Houston Astros level.

This game was all about incompetence. 2 of the 3 lead changes were not thanks to impressive baseball skill, but rather miserable failure. Well, one of the failures was miserable. The other might have seemed like a silly thing to do, but in reality helped the more powerful group claim what they wanted. I would compare Pete Kozma’s error to appeasement towards the Nazis. It gave the Nats just a little, after which they took a lot. Now I don’t really like comparing the Nationals to the Nazis. But just like the Nazis, the Nationals don’t support smoking within their homeland, so there certainly are similarities.

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Cardinals Overcome Reason, Advance to Play Nats

We needn’t wonder about the Nats opponent any further. It has become clear. With the Cardinals winning tonight’s game vs. the Braves, it is clear the Nationals will have to fight against the MLB rulebook if they want to advance to the NLCS.

The Cardinals didn’t deserve to win tonight. The Braves didn’t either, but they certainly got screwed over. I hope the Cardinals don’t develop a new rally animal called the “Rally Umpire.” A crazed Sam Holbrook who runs across the field at crucial times calling infield fly rules and confusing the players into giving the Cardinals wins.

The Nats fly to St. Louis tomorrow and open up there Sunday afternoon. Hopefully the brightness in the daytime doesn’t affect our players. Not of the sun, but the overwhelming whiteness of their predominantly old Caucasian fan base.

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Looking at the NLDS

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Look at it! Look!

The Nationals have clinched home field throughout the postseason. They are the number 1 seed in the NL, with an amazing record of 98-64. They will face the wildcard team in the first round of the playoffs. Let’s take a look at the two options, Atlanta and St. Louis, and analyze the pros and cons of each potential matchup.

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