Tag Archives: Norbit

You Need an Ace in the Hole, Theirs is Harvey: Team of Jokers Beat Nats

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They say it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. This group of Mets fans is getting quite the workout.

Final Score: Mets 7, Nationals 1

Belle of the Ball: I don’t know…Jesus? I mean he died for our sins, and there was nothing more sinful than this game. Shows real dedication to the team to die for an early season loss.

Smell of the Ball: Where do I begin? Oh, Ian Desmond. That’s where. Yeah, this was a near full 25-man all around sucking effort, but Desmond’s error on the first Mets batter made me realize I was about to sit through one of the worst experiences of my life. And I’ve seen Norbit.

…That was a lie. Nobody saw Norbit.

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I love attending Nationals games. I hate attending extended sessions of grown men shitting all over the place and ruining my night. Tonight, thinking I was attending the former, I sadly attended the latter. It is an easy mistake to make though. If only they made the announcements on the NYC Subway sound clearer, maybe I would’ve correctly gotten off at Mets – Willets Point instead of Awful – Poop Central.

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Cliff Notes Nats, Makes Short Work of Them

Final Score: Phillies 8, Nationals 0.

Dame of the Game:

Steve Lombardozzi: 1-3, 1 BB. Steve outshined his teammates with this performance. But that’s like someone having the best performance in a movie like Norbit. It’s still not gonna be very good.

Shame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: Loss, 4 IP, 8 H, 1 BB, 6 ER, 3 K. What a distraster. The most explosively bad showing from a burg since the Hindenburg, and even then, that at least made for good television.

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These Phillies are not the Phillies we have come to know. No Shane Victorino, no Hunter Pence, and strangest of all, a victory. The troubled Philly franchise cut loose two of its stars on Tuesday implying that their era of dominance may be over. But Cliff Lee did his best Hiroo Onoda impression and kept fighting, clearly not having got the message.

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