Tag Archives: pants

One Win, Two Loss, Reds Win, Blue Fish: A Reds Series Recap


We’re not sure if someone made a joke, or if Davey just finds his full diaper to be warm and comforting.

You might be asking yourself, “What is this series recap for? Why no individual game recaps? Where are my pants?” The answers: Less work for us but a higher quality of posts, don’t worry we’ll still be doing them on occasion, and I took them. But lets not worry about pants and crimes. Let’s worry about baseball, specifically the series between the Nationals and Reds over the weekend.

Game 1:


Harper waits to be informed of the weather using the time-trusted method of fans sticking their hands out to see if its raining.

Reds 15, Nationals 0.

If you’re a big Nats fan like me, you really enjoyed watching…whatever was on the first channel I could turn to in order to get away from this horrible terrible game. Unless of course you couldn’t find the remote, and you were too lazy or obese to move from the couch to turn away from this hellish game. Sorry you had to endure that, Livan.

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Well That’s Good: As Nationals Clinch, Sphincters Unclench


Both Hanley and Jayson realize that this was a bad time for Hanley to try and let out a stealthy fart. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Dodgers 1.

Dame of the Game:

Chris Capuano: For throwing the wild pitch that gave us the lead that gave us a playoff spot. Thank you, for that historic moment in franchise history. It’s up there with other moments of incompetence, like when the Nats won their first game ever thanks to the other team forgetting to wear pants and having to forfeit.

Shame of the Game:

Matt Kemp: Not for his performance tonight, but for his HR yesterday. You jerk, making us wait a whole extra day to experience this tremendous feeling of happiness. You’re like my wife. Only she makes me wait a bit longer to experience such happiness. It’s been almost as long as the Washington postseason drought…


The Nationals are headed to the playoffs.¬†While this man might be shocked to hear it, we are not kidding him. For the first time in this team’s history, they will get a taste of postseason baseball. Which kind of tastes gross and sweaty, after all the time Tommy LaSorda spent stewing away in it. They have still yet to clinch the division, as their magic number is 8. A truly magical number, considering how much it looks like boobs. But for now, let’s enjoy the fact that this team has made the postseason at all. Knowing that on October 5th, the Nationals will still be playing baseball is a great feeling. And knowing that it could all be over 5 days later is a miserable feeling. I know I shouldn’t be a pessimist, but after seeing things like John Kruk exist, it’s hard to think that the world can give us inspiring, beautiful things anymore.

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Nats Dodge Losing Again Thanks to Rain


The grounds crew realizes they need to break out a cleaner tarp, after seeing that someone made a mess on this one.

Final Score: Nationals –, Dodgers –.

Dame of the Game:

Zeus. The Gods on Mount Olympus did not enjoy the Nats’ downward spiral, and decided to keep the Dodgers from adding to it. I always knew Zeus would be likely to side with Washington, considering him and Davey Johnson grew up together.

Shame of the Game:

My pants. They are soaked, and it is uncomfortable.


What a game. Definitely the best game for the Nats in a few days. I mean the pitching was perfect, not a single hit or walk allowed! The offense didn’t really put up good numbers, but that’s something I’ve come to expect with this team. This was the type of game the Nats needed to get back on track after being swept by the Braves. A nice, solid, non-loss.

Some aren’t content with just calling this a no contest however, and have scheduled a straight doubleheader at 4 PM/7 PM tomorrow night. There are concerns about doing a straight doubleheader, with that much action without a break potentially causing a great deal of stress to the players. But right now there’s no way a homosexual doubleheader would be proposed in Washington. It’s too much of a divisive issue that is especially hard to find universal support for during an election year.

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The Baseball Season Began Today! Really Really Really Early Today!


Dustin Ackley and manager Eric Wedge show their excitement over the new business deal they have completed.

Today is a big day, as it marks the beginning of the baseball season. While advertising on ESPN suggests that the big day will be April 4th, as the Cardinals take on the Marlins, the season opened up today in Japan, as the Mariners took on the Athletics. The Mariners ended up winning 3-1 in 11 innings.

I took in the game the traditional way many people mark in Opening Day… struggling to keep my eyes open after getting much too little sleep, all the while not wearing pants.

Yes, the game began at 6 AM ET, which doesn’t work too well when you like sleep. But it was a thrilling thing to happen nonetheless. The Nationals season opens just over a week from now and by that time, hopefully I’ll have gotten enough sleep that I deem putting pants on to be worth it. But let’s be honest, it’s never really worth it.

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