Will Venable realizes that no matter how close to the cycle he gets, nobody wants to high five his strangely stick hands. (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)
Final Score: Padres 6, Nationals 1.
Dame of the Game:
Bryce Harper: 1-4, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Bryce Harper fans must be shitting themselves uncontrollably due to excitement or too many laxatives. With his second home run in as many days, Bryce seems on pace to break Bonds’ record in around 5-6 seasons. I think it’s safe to guarantee over 3000 HR for this young man’s career. You can quote me on that. Please however stop quoting me on when I said, “This is Cristian Guzman’s world and we’re all just living in it.” I highly regret that.
Shame of the Game:
Stephen Strasburg: Loss, 4 IP, 7 H, 2 BB, 4 ER, 5 K. Strasburg did not have a lucky day. The first batter of the game hit a double to center that dropped between three Nationals fielders. Then rain came out of nowhere making the ball slippery and causing him to miss spots. Then he stepped in dog (Detwiler?) poop. Then he got rejected from his safety schools. Then his Pokemon Gold file was deleted. Then his voice cracked while talking to a girl. And most unlucky of all, he was relieved by Tom Gorzelanny.
Today’s game got off to a bad start. In the first inning, Strasburg was missing his spots, his teammates were missing easy outs, and the Padres were scoring runs, three things that are very strange to see. Before the top of the first could even come to a close, rain come out of nowhere and caused an 8 minute delay. Some would say the rain was just a natural occurrence, but I know that God was weeping for Stephen. It’s hard for anyone to watch such a talented player get beat by a AAAA team. Today’s outburst of rain proves that God is a Nats fan and that…wait…if God likes the Nats, why is Danny Espinosa in the lineup? And why is Sean Burnett pitching in save situations? And why is Tom Gorzelanny? God works in mysterious ways.