Tag Archives: plastic surgery

Nationals Sign Micah Owings

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I’m sure you’ll find that pen you misplaced very soon, Micah.

The Nationals have signed first baseman Micah Owings to a minor league contract. Now many of you probably remember Micah Owings the pitcher. Well based on the similar looks of the one we just signed, the Owings we got is the very same and has transitioned to being a hitter, is Micah’s twin brother who his parents also named Micah for no good reason, or has had serious plastic surgery and a name change to look like the real Micah. I think choice two is probably the most likely, and that the Owings’s father was also named Micah and we’ve got George Foreman thing going on here.

Owings spent many years trying to make it as a pitcher but couldn’t quite cut it. During that time he was a terrifying offensive presence though, a regular Mike Hampton. Only with Micah you felt bad that he had trouble making it as a pitcher while with Mike you found it hilarious because of his giant contract.

The Nats have previously had a similar situation to the one they now have with Micah. Rick Ankiel made the transition from pitcher to “hitter” as well. Only I put quotations around hitter because well, look at Ankiel’s stats.

I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Owings at the Marvin Miller Memorial in NYC a few weeks ago. He was very polite and very tall, which both directly translate to offensive success as evidenced by Pleasant McLarge’s triple crown achievement in 1924. I hope Micah finds a place on our team down the line, if only so I can tell people I had a three way chat with a National and Rick Helling once.

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Nats Acquire Denard Span

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Denard’s mother believes having discipline is important for baseball, and still believes in spankings to enforce it. Denard is not fond of spankings. Or as his mom calls them, “SPANkings.”

The Nationals pulled off a big trade just minutes ago, acquiring Denard Span from the Twins for pitching prospect Alex Meyer. The team has been trying to find a solid CF for a few years, and have made many attempts at Denard during that Span of time. The (front) Office has done good by bringing in Denard Dog.

Span has dealt with injuries for a few years, but when playing he’s a big on-base threat and a quality fielder. While this would be a good acquisition for any team, it means a lot for the Nationals. The move allows Werth and Harper to move to the corner outfield spots, making Morse or Moore a valuable trade chip, and the re-signing of LaRoche not such a sure thing. I’m sure Adam would be worried about what this means for his future with the Nats, if he hadn’t already been distracted by 3 separate topics in the last 5 minutes.

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