Tag Archives: Playboy

DC United as New York Turns in Bullish Performance

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“This mirror makes me look 10 years younger!” screamed Jackson, as he frightened a little boy. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Mets 2.

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-4, 2 R, 1 3B, 1 HR, 2 RBI. If Bryce is coming out of his slump, he’s coming out of it in a big way. If he’s not, then the definition of slump has changed.

Shame of the Game:

Jeremy Hefner: Loss, 5 IP, 8 H, 5 ER, 3 K. The Hef really fucked the Mets with this performance. I imagine the Mets now get a centerfold appearance in return.

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If there’s anything that can cause severe depression, it’s losing to the Mets. Thankfully, the Nationals seem to have moved past that experience, as they showed up out on the field and won Sunday’s game. I don’t know what helped them move on. Was it anti-depressants? If so I hope they’re legal, or at least that someone was smart enough to pay $10,000 to create a fake website to legitimize them. Was it the fact that Gio Gonzalez is physically incapable of not smiling, and it was contagious amongst his teammates? Almost definitely. Whatever it was, I’m just glad the Nats didn’t take losing to the Mets so hard that they did something to take away the pain that they’d regret. That’s for us to do when Rizzo shuts Strasburg down.

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Where’s Your God Now, Mets Fans? RA Burns Himself In Loss

Harper briefly retired in the 1st inning, throwing away his bat. He then realized that being a baseball player probably means you have very few other real world skills, and changed his mind. (Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Mets 2.

Dame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: Win, 7 IP, 2 H, 2 BB, 1 R, 0 ER, 4 K. Gio got much more satisfaction out of his meeting with Dickey this time around. R.A. must’ve been taking Viagra this time or something.

Shame of the Game:

R.A. Dickey: Loss, 6 IP, 8 H, 1 BB, 5 R, 4 ER, 7 K. Dickey lost for the first time in his last 12 decisions. People will surely say the decision was fixed and that the decision should have been awarded to Dickey, but those people are probably drunken boxing fans who somehow stumbled upon a baseball game.

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Trying new things can really help you live a happier life. Just look at the Nationals this season, and their decision to try winning games. I’d say everyone’s thrilled about that. Note: I don’t consider Braves, Mets, Marlins and Phillies fans important enough to be included in “everyone.” For Phillies fans in part because they’re barely people. Have you looked at some of them? Adam LaRoche took the advice to try something new today when it came to facing R.A. Dickey, by using Roger Bernadina’s bat. The result: A home run. This success using Bernadina’s lumber says to me only one thing…

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