Tag Archives: poetry

2012 Nationals Player Profile: Kurt Suzuki

Kurt Suzuki never looks anyone in the eyes because his only goal in life is to never lose a staring contest.

The Kurt Suzuki Rap (Not Very Good)

Yo

Yo yo yo yo

Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnh

My name is Kurt Suzuki
Got an arm like a bazook-I
But my bat’s more like a wet pool noodle

I love long walks on the beach
Letting out a primal screech
Scarfing down a plate of warm apple streudel

Share my last name with Ichiro
But don’t expect me to be your hero
No I don’t really deserve to be annointed

Though I might get some caught stealings
You’ll just end up with hurt feelings
And then cry yourself to sleep so disappointed Continue reading

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Step Right Up and Sweep the Mets: Nats Have the Time of Their Lives, Mets Fans Don’t

Sean Burnett convinced Jordany Valdespin to stop moving and put his hands up because he was the police. (Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Mets 2

Dame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 H, 11 K. If the Nats can clinch the division before Strasburg’s catches up to his innings limit, things’d be a whole lot easier. They might have to win about 20 games in a row to do that, but it’s worth a shot.

Shame of the Game:

Stephen Strasbug: 0-3, 2 K, 4 LOB. An unacceptable performance from the best hitter on the team.

——–

This game was boring in a good way. The Nats won again, playing solidly all around. They got three home runs from people often associated with animals–Michael Morse (horse), Adam LaRoche (deer), and Danny Espinosa (chipmunk, by me right now). The most excitement happened when Davey Johnson made the curious decision of intentionally walking two Mets in the eight inning by bringing in Henry Rodriguez–at least I assume that was the intention, since I don’t know why else you would bring him in. Fortunately Drew Storen cleaned up the mess like he was born with a Shamwow in his hand.

Best of all was Stephen Strasburg, who turned in one of his signature performances. To celebrate his excellent start, here are some definitely true facts about Stephen presented anacrostically. Continue reading

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Liveblogging Soon-to-be All-Star Bryce Harper’s At-Bats Tonight

Bryce Harper just saw Livan Hernandez crush Danny Espinosa in a sumo wrestling match. Literally.

Bryce Harper will remind everyone why he is the only correct choice for the NL All-Star Final Vote tonight. Stay tuned to find out why everything he does is further evidence for the fact that you are morally and legally obliged to vote for him. Continue reading

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