Tag Archives: Potomac Nationals

Nationals Ring the Bell, Win at Pitt: A Pirates Series Recap

Game 1:

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Jason Grilli’s hair starts spinning to prepare for takeoff. (AP Photo/Keith Srakocic)

Pirates 3, Nationals 1

“Fuck the Yankees.”

Having admitted to being, in addition to a Nationals fan, a Yankees fan, that is not a sentence I have said often. I said something like it once before when I asked my girlfriend to keep putting on different masks of Yankees players so I could live out a totally non-gay, non-weird fantasy. But don’t judge, cause you’d do it too if you got to imagine you were having sex with Bartolo Colon.

But it has recently become clear that the Yankees, obviously tired of winning the World Series (why else would they trade for Vernon Wells and sign Lyle Overbay?), have made it their sole objective to hurt the Nationals. The plan? It’s obvious. To acquire terrible talent and strategically send them off to teams where they could hurt the Nationals most. You may say I’m a conspiracy theorist, but I have proof that the government doesn’t want me to reveal because Bigfoot is real and 9/11 was an inside job.

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Matt Skole Wins SAL MVP

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The awards are not as fancy as they used to be.

Nationals prospect Matt Skole has won the South Atlantic League MVP. He follows in the footsteps of people such as Marcus Giles, Ruben Rivera, and Scott Seabol. These footsteps are often wet and muddy, due to the tears these players cried over their failing careers.

Skole had spent most of the season with the Hagerstown Suns before a recent promotion to Potomac. Winning the award for his efforts in Hagerstown, I guess you could say that Skole was the league’s favorite Sun. All of the other Suns aren’t sure what they could’ve done to make the fatherly league officials prouder, since they can’t reasonably use the excuse, “Well maybe if you played sports like your brother!”

Matt Skole has done well in his brief time in Potomac and will hopefully continue to climb the ranks. I know the chewing tobacco companies hope that he makes it big. Just imagine the advertising opportunities! “Skole Brand Skoal.” Just imagine the cancer opportunities!

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Upcoming Potomac Nationals Promotions

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Potomac Nats promotional days have been a hit since "Fielders use bats instead of gloves day."

If you were watching the MASN broadcast of the Nationals game just now, you heard Bob Carpenter and F.P. Santangelo talk about upcoming Potomac Nationals promotions. They mentioned the actual not a joke Titanic Sunday promotion that they’re having this upcoming weekend. What are the specifics of the promotion? Well, women and children get in 15 minutes early, and an “iceberg giveaway.” Thank goodness for good taste.

F.P. went on to say some more Potomac promotional days which I can safely say (while lying) are also real promotional days coming up. Now he only said the promotions’ names, but didn’t say what they involved. So let’s predict what F.P.’s promotional suggestions would entail.

Hindenburg Monday: Come out to the ballpark to see the Goodyear Blimp in action! Note: the blimp will not be there for the whole game.

Poseidon Tuesday: Upon entering the parking lot your car will be flipped upside down and submerged in water. If you can escape then enjoy the festivities! Kurt Russell will be signing autographs.

Earthquake Wednesday: Ever wonder what it’s like to watch a baseball game while fearing for your life? Well wonder no longer, as the foundation crumbles at your feet and the stadium collapses! Disaster relief will be given to the first 15 lucky fans!

I think F.P.’s suggestions will go over well with the Potomac fans. At least those who survive.

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