Tag Archives: predictions

A Jackson Led Massacre: DC Leader Causes Trails of Tears for Nats Fans

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Shane Robinson gets real excited when his teammates give him treats. (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)

Final Score: Cardinals 12, Nationals 2.

Dame of the Game:

Zach Duke: 1 IP, 0 H, 0 BB, 0 R. Zach, you were the only one who didn’t hurt at all last night. A compliment in baseball, a demoralizing feeling in orgies.

Shame of the Game:

Edwin Jackson: Loss, 1.1 IP, 6 H, 4 BB, 8 ER. I don’t know what’s worse. Edwin doing so poorly, or the time I nearly drowned in the ocean. Probably Edwin’s performance.

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In April, I predicted the Diamondbacks would be World Series champions. A pretty reasonable prediction, I’m betting many analysts expected a 173-0 season from them. But on Friday, my prediction was proven wrong. For you see, with the Nationals loss, the Diamondbacks were officially eliminated from playoff contention. It’s normal for the Nationals to have September losses that have such a great negative impact on other people. But before this year the negative impact wasn’t felt by other teams, but rather by fans who had to turn to greasy food to fill the happiness void in our lives. But now, we control the fate of dozens of players and thousands of fans. Tonight, we decide if Milwaukee makes it or doesn’t. I’m sure thinking that Milwaukee doesn’t deserve to make the playoffs. Unless maybe they send a little gift our way. Yovani Gallardo will probably do…

…Or cheese. Cause cheese is delicious.

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Thirtieth Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals vs. St. Louis Cardinal Error (Westbrook, throw)

Chad Tracy was arrested after the game for plumbing a toilet without permission. He's addicted.

Just a day after The Zimmerman(n) Telegram proclaimed that the Nationals would never lose again, the Nationals lost. It takes a big man to admit when you’re wrong, but since all the authors of this blog are medium-sized men I guess we can’t admit to anything. So we’ll just ignore it and pretend the whole thing never happened, but still offer many confident guarantees in the future based on ephemera.

There wasn’t a whole lot to be excited about today for Nats fans. It was Stephen Strasburg’s last start of the spring, but it was a fairly mediocre one. The offensive star of the day was Chad Tracy, who was 2-4 with a home run. ┬áThat’s notable only because it’s just the second time the phrase “The offensive star of the day was Chad Tracy” has ever been said. The first time was when Chad’s parents decided to name a star after their son but then an astronomer who devotes his life to finding the most offensively ugly stars picked the Chad Tracy’s star the next day.

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