Tag Archives: puberty

Jordan Zimmermann: NL Pitcher of the Month

Jordan Zimmermann has won the NL Pitcher of the Month award for July, becoming the third Nationals pitcher this season to win this monthly accolade. Being the third one to do it is something Jordan knows well, being the last to reach puberty amongst his brothers.

Jordan went 4-0 with a 0.97 ERA and a 0.84 whip in 37 IP in July. Jordan is very used to small numbers, which coupled with being a late bloomer, probably also contributed to his being the last one to do it. But Jordan has clearly overcome personal inadequacies and gotten the job done, probably since he’s so good at using his hands.

Hopefully Edwin and Ross are inspired to do better to join their rotation mates as pitchers of the month. I don’t think they want to settle for silver, because gold is so much more prestigious. It also has a higher resale value, just in case they end up like Lenny Dykstra.

Tagged , , , , , ,

Twenty-first Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals vs. Houston AstroCatastrophe

Today's game, which was played on the International Space Station, was delayed in the top of the 4th when the artificial gravity generator went down.

The Nationals lost again to the Houston Astros today, 5-1, presumably because they get some weird sexual gratification out of being really embarrassed. The loss brought the Nationals’ non-winning streak to 10. Here is a list of things that have happened since the Nationals last won a spring training game:

  • Tim Tebow was traded to the Jets
  • Peyton Manning signed with the Broncos
  • Mitt Romney won the Illinois primary
  • Rick Santorum won the Alabama and Mississippi primaries
  • Carlos Baerga endorsed Rick Santorum for president
  • Thousands of people were born, had awkward puberty-related experiences, fell in love, lied to their children, cheated on their spouses, hoped they weren’t going to die, died
  • The time period encompassed by March 13, 2012
  • The Zimmerman(n) Telegram published this profile  of some guy who was later optioned to AAA
  • I’ve eaten like, 15 sandwiches
  • The Nationals were awful the whole time
Tagged , , , , , , , ,