An exuberant Robinson Cano extends his arms and starts tilting his body until he falls over, to a standing ovation from the crowd.
Final Score: Dominican Republic 4, Puerto Rico 2
World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Unwanted immigration from the Dominican Republic to Puerto Rico
They just keep coming. Dominicans, pouring across home plate, pouring across the Mona Passage. No pitching, defense, or U.S. coast guard can stop them. What’s a poor Puerto Rican (Poorto Rican?) to do?
It’s not Puerto Rico’s fault that the Dominican Republic has a terrible economy and a great offense. It’s not their fault that the Dominican Republic is right next to the even worse country of Haiti and has Robinson Cano on their team to hit beautiful, beautiful home runs.
It is a little bit their fault that their starting pitcher was Orlando Roman, who has never and will never succeed in a baseball league anyone cares about. It is also a little bit their fault that they haven’t bothered to become a U.S. state so the U.S. government doesn’t care all that much how many illegal Dominicans show up on the island. But on the whole, Puerto Rico is the victim here, of the Dominican Republic’s merciless immigrants and amazing-baseball-player-producing factories.
I wish there was some way to help them, but I’m afraid it’s too late for Puerto Rico. Their normal jobs will all be taken by Dominicans, and they won’t even be able to get jobs as professional baseball players because the Dominicans will have taken all those jobs too. They are doomed to lead depressing lives of sitting on the beach doing nothing in a tropical paradise.