Tag Archives: R.A. Dickey

Where’s Your God Now, Mets Fans? RA Burns Himself In Loss

Harper briefly retired in the 1st inning, throwing away his bat. He then realized that being a baseball player probably means you have very few other real world skills, and changed his mind. (Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Mets 2.

Dame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: Win, 7 IP, 2 H, 2 BB, 1 R, 0 ER, 4 K. Gio got much more satisfaction out of his meeting with Dickey this time around. R.A. must’ve been taking Viagra this time or something.

Shame of the Game:

R.A. Dickey: Loss, 6 IP, 8 H, 1 BB, 5 R, 4 ER, 7 K. Dickey lost for the first time in his last 12 decisions. People will surely say the decision was fixed and that the decision should have been awarded to Dickey, but those people are probably drunken boxing fans who somehow stumbled upon a baseball game.

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Trying new things can really help you live a happier life. Just look at the Nationals this season, and their decision to try winning games. I’d say everyone’s thrilled about that. Note: I don’t consider Braves, Mets, Marlins and Phillies fans important enough to be included in “everyone.” For Phillies fans in part because they’re barely people. Have you looked at some of them? Adam LaRoche took the advice to try something new today when it came to facing R.A. Dickey, by using Roger Bernadina’s bat. The result: A home run. This success using Bernadina’s lumber says to me only one thing…

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Well Mets: Nats Happy to See, Beat Funniest Team in Baseball

The ball wasn’t even moving, and they still ended up like this trying to get it. (Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 8, Mets 2

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-4, HR, 3 RBI, 2 R, BB. Bryce, Bryce baby.

Shame of the Game:

Pedro Beato: .1 IP, 4 ER, 4 H, BB. Bless you. Bless you. Bless you. Oh, were you so horrible because you sneezed every time you tried to throw a pitch?

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Ah, The Mets. They’re not that bad, really. Their actual baseball talent level this year is better than most people expected it to be. Their ability to lose baseball games in the most hilarious and soul-annihilating-to-their-fans ways possible, however, is exactly what people expected it to be: fantastic. They’re the best. No one can top them at this highly not-coveted skill. They are the baseball team equivalent of a sad clown.

The Nats had a lovely evening out at the circus last night. The whole event wasn’t a comedy, of course. They spent the first 9 innings admiring the impressive skills of the performers, who kept the game tied at two through some tight rope-walking by starter Chris Young and impressive feats of strength from strongmen David Wright and Ike Davis. They even had a bearded lady named R.A. Dickey. Continue reading

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Dormant Life: R.A. Shuts Down Nats’ Party

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Roger Bernadina is really dedicated about playing tag. (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Final Score: Mets 9, Nationals 5.

Dame of the Game:

Drew Storen: 1 IP, 0 H, 0 BB, 0 R. Storen came back and was thrown right into the fire and he did not disappoint. Only the fire had been reduced to a handful of small embers by that point, and nobody was really fighting it anymore. So really the only way he could’ve disappointed would have probably been by actually setting the stadium on fire.

Shame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: Loss, 3.1 IP, 6 H, 3 BB, 6 ER, 2 K. Gio is not the rock he once was, having clearly experienced severe erosion. We have to prevent this from happening anymore. No more pitching on rainy or windy days, and let’s get working on having Gonzalez declared a National Park for more protection. If only we had a geyser like Raul Ibanez National Park to really sell them:

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It rivals Yellowstone’s.

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Superstitions are a big part of baseball. Some are unique to baseball like not stepping on the foul line, not talking to a pitcher when he’s throwing a no-hitter, and not high-fiving John Lackey. Actually that last one is more common sense, I think he picks his nose. But one of the biggest superstitions around is the unluckiness of the number 13. This number has proven to be a bit unlucky for both pitchers from Thursday’s matchup, who have encountered trouble in getting their 13th win. Dickey finally achieved it by beating Gonzalez, after weeks of failing to raise his hand when asked “Who wants their 13th win?” Having no UCL certainly has its negatives.

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The Dickey’s Mightier: Mets Claw Nats in Cockfight

Wang’s attempt at a more creative windup was immediately and peremptorily declared a balk. (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Finale Score: Mets 3, Nationals 1

Dame of the Game*:

Ryan Zimmerman: 2-4, HR, R, RBI, K. The asterisk is because no National was a true dame today. Zimmerman’s meaningless 9th inning home run was the closest anyone got to making it seem like the entire team hadn’t stayed up all night gorging themselves on a never ending pasta bowl at Olive Garden.

Shame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 0-4, 2K. Plus he injured his back diving for a ball and may not play against the Red Sox this weekend, which would be a profound loss for mankind. I would give my left mother to watch him steal home off Josh Beckett.

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Look, I didn’t wake up this morning wanting to make another penis joke. I’ve been writing a lot about penises lately, and it’s making me think about penises more than I really want to. Nor did I want to make a racist joke. I’m not a racist person and I don’t want to make anyone feel bad about their race’s stereotypical characteristics. So I’m just going to lay out the facts for you, as objectively as I can. Last start, Wang was outperformed by a man named Johnson. Today, Wang lost to a man named Dickey. Wang is Asian. His opponents were not Asian. The universe has conspired to bring about this remarkable confluence of events and place me in the uncomfortable position of refusing to make this joke. I feel like Tantalus, except that it’s not grapes dangling over my head but penis jokes hanging from a penis tree.

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Ninth Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals (SPLIT SQUAD!) vs. The Jason Bay Experience

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Two Mets players celebrate a loss by only single digits.

The Washington Nationals split squad met the New York Mets full squad today, in what proved to still be a one-sided contest, as the Nats beat the Mets 8-2. On the mound it was a battle of true adventurers R.A. Dickey, who recently climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, and Chien-Ming Wang, who recently drank some milk without checking the expiration date or smelling it first. Both men turned in poor showings, but the Nats bullpen had a good performance to seal the victory. Brad Lidge went another showing without giving up a home run to Albert Pujols, although that NLCS one still hasn’t come down like Lidge’s confidence in himself has.

For those Mets fans still wondering when David Wright will make his spring training debut, check a Mets blog.

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