Tag Archives: rain

Nationals Win 2 out of 3 Decisions vs. Philadelphia’s Rocky Team: A Phillies Series Recap

Game 1:


Ben Revere, breaking his spine. (Photo by Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Nationals 5, Phillies 2

Davey Johnson vowed to not shave his facial hair until the Nationals bats started hitting. I’m uncertain if this is some luck-based initiative, or if his kids stopped paying the night nurse and just left him on his own. Either way, I’m torn. For one, I like the Nationals hitting. But on the other hand, I like the idea of having a guy who looks like a germ-fearing Mr. Burns managing our team.

Many teams have turned to crafty veterans throughout the years to help lead their team to victory. But what about insane veterans? I think Davey should keep taking this superstition stuff further and further until the Nationals bats perform at a consistently high level. Some ideas…

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A Phitting End: Nats Climb the Phinal Cliff to Take Season Phinale

Speak softly and carry a big head. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

Final (sniff) Score: Nationals 5, Phillies 1.

Dame of the Game:

Teddy Roosevelt: Win.

Shame of the Game:

Jonathan Papelbon: .2 IP, 2 ER, H, BB, K. It’s almost sad that Papelbon won’t have the chance to blow any saves in the postseason. The happy kind of sadness.


They let Teddy win. I always knew they’d do it eventually when the Nats got good. They had to. The constant failures of Teddy couldn’t go on forever, lest they devolve further into some kind of dark metaphor for the ultimate pointlessness of existence.

But now that the impossible has been made possible, what is left for this franchise to strive for? The dream of Teddy winning was so fantastical, so quixotic, that all other goals now seem almost trivial. Sure, the Nats could win the World Series. But it was always at least theoretically possible that they could win the World Series. Even in the dark, dark days of ’06 – ’09, the odds of those teams winning the Series at the beginning of the season were greater than zero. The odds of Teddy winning did not exist. If you bet on Teddy winning and he won, this would happen. Continue reading

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Nats Dodge Losing Again Thanks to Rain


The grounds crew realizes they need to break out a cleaner tarp, after seeing that someone made a mess on this one.

Final Score: Nationals –, Dodgers –.

Dame of the Game:

Zeus. The Gods on Mount Olympus did not enjoy the Nats’ downward spiral, and decided to keep the Dodgers from adding to it. I always knew Zeus would be likely to side with Washington, considering him and Davey Johnson grew up together.

Shame of the Game:

My pants. They are soaked, and it is uncomfortable.


What a game. Definitely the best game for the Nats in a few days. I mean the pitching was perfect, not a single hit or walk allowed! The offense didn’t really put up good numbers, but that’s something I’ve come to expect with this team. This was the type of game the Nats needed to get back on track after being swept by the Braves. A nice, solid, non-loss.

Some aren’t content with just calling this a no contest however, and have scheduled a straight doubleheader at 4 PM/7 PM tomorrow night. There are concerns about doing a straight doubleheader, with that much action without a break potentially causing a great deal of stress to the players. But right now there’s no way a homosexual doubleheader would be proposed in Washington. It’s too much of a divisive issue that is especially hard to find universal support for during an election year.

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Heck of a Job, Brownie: After Severe Storm, Nats Successfully Clean Up Mess

Us featured on MASN again, though probably not as intentionally on their part as last time.

Final Score: Nationals 7, Marlins 6

Dame of the Game:

Jayson Werth: 1-5, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Jayson Werth was a shame of the game candidate before the rain delay, but afterwards he was the star. I guess Werth is like a flower, he just needs to be watered to reach his full potential. Also like a flower, some people get allergies when they get too close to Jayson. Probably cause of whatever’s stuck in that mound of hair on his face.

Shame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-5, 1 E (should be 2), 3 Earned Runs. A simple grounder went through LaRoche’s legs in the 5th which led to two runs, and a failure to pick a low but easy Zimmerman throw later led to another. Clearly Adam should not be considered to replace Strasburg in the rotation, considering the amount of runs he allows. However, he would be a good fit for the next vacancy for the Marlins closing role.


The magic we felt upon entering Nationals Park yesterday no longer remained. A decision had been announced that we were all dreading. Many in the ballpark were shaking their heads. But that would be hard not to do, the promotional Ryan Zimmerman bobbleheads were just so fun to play with! They could only distract from the pain for so long though, as the reality set in: Stephen Strasburg is done.

The decision for such an early shutdown was a surprise. But not a good surprise, like a surprise birthday party. No, this was in fact quite the opposite. No balloons, no presents, and 30,000 people in attendance. …nobody shows up for my birthday parties :(.

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Paul-Bearer of Bad News: Maholm Tries Carrying Dead Team but Drops Them


Mike Rizzo comes out on the field, finally revealing who he had in mind to replace Strasburg in the rotation. Himself. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Braves 1.

Dame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: Win, 6 IP, 4 H, 1 BB, 1 ER, 10 K. Strasburg certainly doesn’t want to drop out of the rotation, still polling very favorably with his fans. But it all comes down to pressure put on him from those within his organization, who might make him bow out against his will in the end. This seems very Akin to another situation in the news. Especially since this too has a lot to do with rape, with Strasburg raping opposing teams every start.

Shame of the Game:

Paul Maholm: Loss, 7 IP, 7 H, 1 BB, 4 ER, 6 K. It certainly wasn’t an a-Paul-ing start, but I had to give it to someone. Hmm, maybe I should get Shame of the Game for that appalling pun.


“Rain, rain, go away, come again another day.” A phrase said by many normal people when it is raining, or many insane people because they are insane. Well fuck the people who said it yesterday, cause it caused a delay tonight and that was annoying. What are we supposed to do during all these rain delays? See why there’s so much crying coming from the baby monitor? No. I want my kid to learn problem solving skills. I hope all have you watched the game. If you didn’t, then I feel it’s fair to make you suffer the same wait that us others had to experience earlier today. So I’m going to add a 51 minute delay into this post for your reading.


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Dan Uggla Forgets How to Do Baseball, Nats Win in 13

I’m really looking forward to coming next time for Toetown Tuesday, when presumably they’ll replace all the intense pictures of players’ faces with pictures of their wiggling toes.

Final Score: Nationals 5, Braves 4

Dame of the Game:

Kurt Suzuki: 2-6. It might seem like an unorthodox choice, but Kurt Suzuki had the accidental infield single that set up Chad Tracy’s dramatic walkoff easy groundball to second. You’re the Dame of the Game, Kurt Suzuki–take a Kurtsy.

Shame of the Game:

Dan Uggla: 1-6, K, that one play that ended the game. The “uggly” pun is almost too easy. But then it’s really his fault for living up so obviously to his last name.


Last night’s game was The Most Important Game of the Year for the Nationals, and I was there to witness it. What an honor. I was also there to witness The Most Important Drizzle of the Year. What an honor.

When the rain finally went on its merry way, the game got off to a pretty exciting start. The Braves scored a run. The Nats scored a lot of runs! The Braves scored one less than a lot of runs. That all added up to things being tied after four and a half innings, which I naively thought at the time would be halfway through the game. Silly me.

Another exciting game of  the crowd-favorite “Put Circles in the Circle” is completed. Continue reading

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Lince-came, Lince-Saw, Lince-Was-Conquered: Nats Reign Through Rain

Angel Pagan sees a real giant behind the center field wall, and doesn’t react very bravely. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 9, Giants 3

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-5, 2 2B, R, RBI, K. This may not have been the best performance of the night, but it was certainly the most All-Star performance of the night. Tell the world you agree.

Shame of the Game:

Tim Lincecum: 3.1 IP, 8 R, 7 ER, 9 H, 2 BB, 2 K. Time Lincecum is having a very bad year. The kind of year that makes you wish “I wish I could have that year back.” But he can’t, and he only has a finite number of years to live before he dies, and this is one of them. That’s certainly a shame for him.


I know, I know. It’s hard to concentrate on anything else while Bryce Harper is still in contention for the NL All-Star Final Vote. I, too, expected the world to come to a complete standstill until this matter is correctly resolved. But, apparently, gravity doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation, so the world’s still spinning. And because “schedules need to be adhered to,” the Nationals still played the Giants Tuesday night.

Fortunately, the Nationals overcame their certain preoccupation with Harper 2012 to do a little Giant-slaying. A giant’s weapon of choice is usually a large club, but it was the Nats that did the large clubbing in this game. Incidentally, after the game, Tom Gorzelanny did a little “large clubbing” of his own, which is what he calls it when he goes out to clubs specifically for designed for fat women. Sadly (for him) and happily (for the overweight women), he was no more successful in his seductive efforts than usual. Continue reading

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Friars, Friars, Douse Nats’ Fire: Padres Split Series, Funds with Ex-Wife


Will Venable realizes that no matter how close to the cycle he gets, nobody wants to high five his strangely stick hands. (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Final Score: Padres 6, Nationals 1.

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 1-4, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Bryce Harper fans must be shitting themselves uncontrollably due to excitement or too many laxatives. With his second home run in as many days, Bryce seems on pace to break Bonds’ record in around 5-6 seasons. I think it’s safe to guarantee over 3000 HR for this young man’s career. You can quote me on that. Please however stop quoting me on when I said, “This is Cristian Guzman’s world and we’re all just living in it.” I highly regret that.

Shame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: Loss, 4 IP, 7 H, 2 BB, 4 ER, 5 K. Strasburg did not have a lucky day. The first batter of the game hit a double to center that dropped between three Nationals fielders. Then rain came out of nowhere making the ball slippery and causing him to miss spots. Then he stepped in dog (Detwiler?) poop. Then he got rejected from his safety schools. Then his Pokemon Gold file was deleted. Then his voice cracked while talking to a girl. And most unlucky of all, he was relieved by Tom Gorzelanny.

Today’s game got off to a bad start. In the first inning, Strasburg was missing his spots, his teammates were missing easy outs, and the Padres were scoring runs, three things that are very strange to see. Before the top of the first could even come to a close, rain come out of nowhere and caused an 8 minute delay. Some would say the rain was just a natural occurrence, but I know that God was weeping for Stephen. It’s hard for anyone to watch such a talented player get beat by a AAAA team. Today’s outburst of rain proves that God is a Nats fan and that…wait…if God likes the Nats, why is Danny Espinosa in the lineup? And why is Sean Burnett pitching in save situations? And why is Tom Gorzelanny? God works in mysterious ways.

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A Song of Bryce and Fire: Harper Hits First Home Run as Nats Kill Fathers

Fans thought Bryce Harper was coming out for a curtain call, but he was really just pointing to a cloud so he could prove to his teammates that he knew what a cloud was.

Final Score: Nationals 8, Padres 5

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 1-4, HR, RBI, R, K. Who else? DC’s Dynamic Douchebag finally hit the first of what will hopefully be a number of home runs so large that we have to invent a new numerical system to write it without frying whatever computing device it’s written on.

Shame of the Game:

Henry Rodriguez: .1 IP, 3 BB, Hold. Great Hold, Henry Rodriguez. You are likely to be getting a lot more of those in the future and a lot less of anything that anyone cares about.


Wow. I can’t believe I was there to see it. They say you never forget the first time, and I’ll certainly never forget this moment. Everything else that happened in the game will soon be lost to history, but not this. And what a scene! Literally hundreds of people in the crowd going wild. Nationals Park erupting with the jubilation that it had long been longing to feel. I looked around after it happened, knowing that not just I but everyone around me would cherish this memory for a lifetime: Sean Burnett’s first save of the season.

There’s really not much to say about the rest of the game, which paled in comparison to such a glorious occasion. Regardless, here’s some photo documentation to give future historians some context when they tell the tale of Sean Burnett’s first save of 2012: Continue reading

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Rain Drops Series Finale: Nats and Fins Postponed


Not only was it too wet, but the painters forgot their tarp on the field.

Final Score: No score.

Dame of the Game:


Shame of the Game:

Tlaloc: Rain. What a jerk.

Today’s game was rained out. I hope know this game recap is a small huge consolation.

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