Tag Archives: Ricky Nolasco

… : … (Part 2)

Instead of having CIA-head David Petraeus throw out a ceremonial first pitch, the Nats would have been better off having him call in a non-ceremonial drone strike on Giancarlo Stanton. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Marlins 8, Nationals 0.

Dame of the Game:

Sandy Leon: 0-0. Just kidding, it’s no one.

Shame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 0-3. The ohfer is less shameful than the fact that he, as a cleanup hitter, only got up three times. That’s not entirely his fault, but I’m in no mood to accurately assign blame for this game.

——–

There are a couple of things that make this game slightly less miserable than the near-identical game from about a week and a half ago. One, Stephen Strasburg wasn’t pitching this time, so we didn’t have to worry about the fact that his innings were being wasted on an overflowing toilet of a baseball game. Unfortunately, that thing is canceled out by the fact that we now know that Strasburg won’t pitch again this year at all, which casts a pall of misery over pretty much every Nats-related thing that happens. Two, the Nationals only got shut out 8-0 this time instead of 9-0. Unfortunately, that thing is canceled out by the fact that WHO CARES THEY STILL GOT SHUT OUT BY RICKY NOLASCO AGAIN. Continue reading

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… : …

“I don’t want it. Do you want it?” “Uh, not really.” “…” “…” “One of us should probably get it.” “Yeah…” “…” “…nah” (AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee)

Final Score: Marlins 9, Nationals 0

Dame of the Game:

Nope.

Shame of the Game:

The Washington FUCKING Nationals.

——–

….

So here we are. August 29th, 2012, and the Nationals are four games ahead in the NL East after losing their fifth straight. Five months ago, I never would have thought that I could be this upset at a four game division lead on August 29, but then I never would have thought that I could accidentally gamble away all my possessions and be forced to make my new home among the Swamp People either, so there you go. Continue reading

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Miami’s Vice: Not Scoring Runs

Bryce Harper and Steve Lombardozzi really wanted people to know that they do NOT enjoy touching each other. The ladies doth protest too much, methinks. (AP Photo/Alan Diaz)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Marlins 0

Dame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 H, BB, 7 K; 1-1, R, BB. The last time I took a quick look at Strasburg’s hitting, he was rather absurdly 4th in the league in OPS for people with at least his number of plate appearances. Just thought I’d give you a quick update: he has now moved up to 3rd in all of baseball. Figured you’d want your day to be a little more confusing.

Shame of the Game:

Ricky Nolasco: 5.1 IP, 4 ER, 6 H, 2 BB, 2 K. I don’t know this for sure, but I’m gonna guess that Ricky’s last name is a shortened version of an old family company called ‘N Ol’ Ass, Co. Which was probably not successful. Like this start.

——

Sunday was Star Wars day at Marlins Park, which included your average Star Wars day festivities like Darth Vadar throwing out the first pitch. But if the Marlins were trying to be the Rebel Alliance, then this battle was more Hoth than Endor. Worse than that, even–Stephen Strasburg and the Nats bullpen didn’t let the Marlins take down one single AT-AT in the 4-0 shutout. Hopefully, this resulted in Ozzie Guillen being frozen in carbonite after the game.

Why am I so keen on seeing Guillen in a perpetual state of terror, mouth agape but no words able to emerge? On Sunday, he directed his particular brand of bad-word-ridden, borderline-psychotic nonsense at the Nationals, specifically one Bryce Harper. Apparently, Guillen decided that Harper had applied pine tar slightly too far up his bat and notified the umpires, who told Harper to change bats. Then, Guillen began complaining about “something” that Harper did with his bat the next time he was up, but he “didn’t want to tell” us what it was. I guess there are several possibilities: Continue reading

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