Tag Archives: Roger Bernadina

Two Ross Make a Right: A Rockies Series Recap

Game 1:

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The crowd applauds Jayson Werth for finally looking up. I find it amazing he never looked up before this game. (Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images)

Rockies 8, Nationals 3

Every day when I go to work I experience a bit of midday exhaustion. Sitting in front of a computer can be pretty draining, so after about 5 hours my eyes feel heavy and I begin to crash. That being said, when I start getting tired, I do not break every computer in the office and burn it to the ground.

Dan Haren has a different approach of how to react to a midday crash at work. An approach that is arguably worse than burning an office building to the ground resulting in the death of dozens of employees: ALLOWING TWO HOME RUNS AND SUCKING IN GENERAL.

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We Won on the Schoop Jon B: Aussies Can’t Come Through in Clutch vs. Dutch

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The WBC is serving as a test run for some potential new rules. Like instant replay, and this.

Final Score: Netherlands 4, Australia 1.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Australia tattling on the Netherlands during the Indonesian National Revolution, but not really doing anything all that impressive to get in their way.

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In 1945, Indonesia declared its independence from the Netherlands and began a revolution. Backed by the United Kingdom and some allies, the Netherlands looked like they would be difficult to beat. They just had too potent a rotation to be outgunned.

But in the end, while not completely run out of town, the Dutch were removed from their complete dominance of the region. But that’s not the thing to focus on for this story. No, the thing to focus on is how the UK stopped supporting the Netherlands and Australia tattled on them for “violating the peace” and whatnot. An excuse which the Aussies decided to use again today.

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Nether’s Region: Dutch Prove Pool B Favorite South Korea Ain’t Much

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The Netherlands have assembled an impressive 25-man team.

Final Score: Netherlands 5, South Korea 0.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Korean War.

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The Dutch had dealt with the Koreans before. They knew just how difficult a fight they were in for going into this WBC game. Having lost 120 men in the Korean War, although an insignificant number compared to what other countries lost, the Netherlands were intent on avenging this deaths and proving their dominance over the Koreans.

However all these feelings were kind of silly to have. For you see, given the accepted culture of the Netherlands, all the players on the team were actually very high and had a great deal of trouble realizing the difference between North and South Korea.

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Bernadina and Nats Avoid Arbitration

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Unrelated, Bernadina laughs at a man’s small penis.

According to his agent, Roger Bernadina has reportedly avoided arbitration. There is very little known at this time but Mike Rizzo was seen with all his limbs still in tact, so we can assume the process went relatively smoothly.

Update: Shark will make $1,212,500 plus $130,000 in incentives. People better watch out, because Shark contracts are clearly on the rise.

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Nats Acquire Denard Span

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Denard’s mother believes having discipline is important for baseball, and still believes in spankings to enforce it. Denard is not fond of spankings. Or as his mom calls them, “SPANkings.”

The Nationals pulled off a big trade just minutes ago, acquiring Denard Span from the Twins for pitching prospect Alex Meyer. The team has been trying to find a solid CF for a few years, and have made many attempts at Denard during that Span of time. The (front) Office has done good by bringing in Denard Dog.

Span has dealt with injuries for a few years, but when playing he’s a big on-base threat and a quality fielder. While this would be a good acquisition for any team, it means a lot for the Nationals. The move allows Werth and Harper to move to the corner outfield spots, making Morse or Moore a valuable trade chip, and the re-signing of LaRoche not such a sure thing. I’m sure Adam would be worried about what this means for his future with the Nats, if he hadn’t already been distracted by 3 separate topics in the last 5 minutes.

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After Loss to Atlanta, Nats Need to Take Mylanta

Roger Bernadina takes a nap and tries to wrap his arm around his girlfriend next to him, only to realize that she left him months ago for Rick Ankiel. (AP Photo/John Bazemore)

Final Score: Braves 2, Nationals 1

Dame of the Game:

Ross Detwiler: 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 H, 1 BB, 5 K. New nickname to add to his pile of nicknames: the Rosselot (Sir Rosselot?). Is Ross more catlike or doglike? You decide.

Shame of the Game:

Ian Desmond: 0-4, 2 K, Walk-Off Error. For Desmond’s 15th error of the year, let’s throw him a quinceanera party where everything goes wrong. Poisoned food, balloons that pop as soon as you inflate them, guests that thought they were going to an actual quinceanera party for one of their friends’ daughters, a cake that says “Congratulations on your latest failure!”, Ian Desmond’s presence.

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This was a banner game for Nationals that I hate. Ian Desmond and Sean Burnett, two players who have on the whole redeemed themselves considerably in my usually-unforgiving eyes, combined to produce a bottom of the 9th that justified every negative thing I’ve ever said about them. First Sean fucked. Then Ian sucked. I shall henceforth refer to these two unsavory individuals as the Fuck-Suck Duo. Coming soon to an Independent League/brothel near you.

I can’t complain too much about them while the Nats are still 7.5 games up in the division and seemingly have their playoff spot locked up. Wait, they just lost again? WELL FUCK YOU SEAN AND IAN, FUCK YOU IN WHATEVER PLACE YOU LEAST WANT IT.

…ahem.

Let me take a moment to talk about Kris Medlen and his 13 strikeouts and continued sub-1 ERA as a starter.

Okay, the moment’s passed. Phew, that was an unpleasant conversation.

I have to say, as we head into the last half of September, I’m running out of jokes to make about this Nationals team. There’s only so many times I can make different versions of the same joke about–

Wait, I got one. Continue reading

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Rejected Roger Bernadina Sign

Every man and woman eventually reaches a point where they have to draw a line, and say “that’s too racist to take out in public.” For us, it might take further to reach that line than most people. But the picture above is an example of something that sadly lies beyond that line.

A higher quality of the truly horrifying Great Black Shark image we did end up proudly displaying at Nats Park is below. Continue reading

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Heck of a Job, Brownie: After Severe Storm, Nats Successfully Clean Up Mess

Us featured on MASN again, though probably not as intentionally on their part as last time.

Final Score: Nationals 7, Marlins 6

Dame of the Game:

Jayson Werth: 1-5, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Jayson Werth was a shame of the game candidate before the rain delay, but afterwards he was the star. I guess Werth is like a flower, he just needs to be watered to reach his full potential. Also like a flower, some people get allergies when they get too close to Jayson. Probably cause of whatever’s stuck in that mound of hair on his face.

Shame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-5, 1 E (should be 2), 3 Earned Runs. A simple grounder went through LaRoche’s legs in the 5th which led to two runs, and a failure to pick a low but easy Zimmerman throw later led to another. Clearly Adam should not be considered to replace Strasburg in the rotation, considering the amount of runs he allows. However, he would be a good fit for the next vacancy for the Marlins closing role.

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The magic we felt upon entering Nationals Park yesterday no longer remained. A decision had been announced that we were all dreading. Many in the ballpark were shaking their heads. But that would be hard not to do, the promotional Ryan Zimmerman bobbleheads were just so fun to play with! They could only distract from the pain for so long though, as the reality set in: Stephen Strasburg is done.

The decision for such an early shutdown was a surprise. But not a good surprise, like a surprise birthday party. No, this was in fact quite the opposite. No balloons, no presents, and 30,000 people in attendance. …nobody shows up for my birthday parties :(.

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Come Join us at Nationals Park on Friday and Saturday

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That could be us!

For just the second time this season, both writers for this blog will be attending a Nationals game together. As you read this, I sit on a bus on my way down to Washington to see our beloved Nats take on nobody’s beloved Marlins.

On Friday, come find us down the right field line in section 134. On Saturday, we’ll be in right field in section 140. You can recognize us by our newly created signs: “Bryceratops,” and “Great Black Shark,” the latter of which was inspired by the people at http://www.Sharkadina.com. We would love to meet our many fans, which we’re certain we have at least one of.

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Johan-nes Bombs: Santana Composes Very Flat Work

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Morse just loves the smell of his finger. …I don’t want to know where it’s been. (Photo by Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 6, Mets 4.

Dame of the Game:

Mike Morse: 1-4, 1 R, 1 HR, 4 RBI. The horse had just one hit. But does this mean he had a bad performance? Neigh!

Shame of the Game:

Johan Santana: Loss, 5 IP, 7 H, 6 ER, 4 K. Yo Han, maybe focus a bit more on quality pitching and a bit less on smuggling goods throughout space. Although it is very important for baseball players to learn a profession to use for after retirement. Scratch what I just said.

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Mike Morse and Johan Santana have taken two different paths back from injury; Morse has taken the path of success, while Johan has taken the path of playing for the Mets. His supporting cast aside, Johan has done poorly on his own, notably going 0-5 with a 15.63 ERA in his last five starts. When asked what was causing these problems, Johan just kept claiming that he thought it was Opposite Day. This wouldn’t usually work, but considering that most people running things in baseball have the mental capacity of a five year old, everyone seemed fine with letting Johan continue to pitch.

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