Tag Archives: Sam Champion

Habemus Rapem: Worthy Contenders from the Americas End European Control Over Church of Baseball

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Look at that great framed photo of Jesus Flores.

Final Score: Dominican Republic 5, Italy 4.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Election of Jorge Mario Bergoglio to the Papacy.

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We here at The Zimmerman(n) Telegram always try to keep up with the trendiest, most current stories. That’s why we’re developing a hilarious Macarana parody, so get ready.

But there is no bigger story currently in the news than the election of the new Pope. Pope Francis I is very notable, in that he marks the first time a Pope has come from the Americas, ending centuries of European domination. While in the case of the 2013 WBC it was only a few days of Italian domination, we still think the metaphor applies. Plus I really wanted to use this title, so I thought I’d go with it.

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A Boot In Their Ass: Italy Kicks Mexico’s Habit of Winning

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“Why the fuck did they give us the wrong hats? Lets put them over there.”

Final Score: Italy 6, Mexico 5.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: World War II.

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Mexico and Italy had met once before on an international stage, in World War II. It might be hard to come across articles about said event, given they are buried beneath the more important articles about a Pool D WBC matchup, but they can be found. And when you find them, you realize one thing. Mexico doesn’t do shit, and mostly relied on Italy to fuck stuff up.

Mexico’s importance in the outcome of World War II was minimal. Mexico’s importance in the outcome of this WBC opening round matchup was also minimal. Mexico just seems to sit around, pretending to be involved but really just letting Italy mess shit up for themselves and then taking credit. They brag about how they were a helping hand in defeating the Italians, when in reality it was probably the heaviness of the mozzarella that made it hard for Italy to get up and do much anything.

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