Tag Archives: science

1 Is The Loneliest Number That You’ll Ever Hit: A Reds Series Recap

Game 1:

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Gio and this female reporter have very different reactions to being covered in urine. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Nationals 8, Reds 1

I had my iTunes playlist all ready for Gio’s start. Songs like “Walk This Way,” “These Boots Are Made For Walking,” “Walking On Sunshine,” and many more tunes that would make paraplegics very depressed, were all primed up and ready to be played every time Gio walked a batter. And wouldn’t you know it, Gio lacked control yet again. He walked DOUBLE the amount of players that he allowed hits to. That’s right, TWO walks, and- Oh. He threw an 8 inning 1 hitter? That’s pretty awesome. Knowing Gio had such a good game relaxes me more than those other 1 hitters filled with pot.

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Mountains of Det: Detwiler Towers over Cubs in Win

“Hey Adam, see those guys over there? They’re on the Cubs.” “Heh.” (Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 2, Cubs 1

Dame of the Game:

Ross Detwiler: 7 IP, 0 R, 4 H, 3 BB, 3 K. Just in case there’s any correlation between the size of the actual national debt and the size of the National Det’s goodness, I say we start a few more wars, give universal health care and college education to everyone, and build a government-funded tower to the sun.

Shame of the Game:

The Cubs. They’re just an embarrassment to humanity.

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82 isn’t a very exciting number in most contexts. It’s a B- on a test, a mildly warm day in degrees Fahrenheit, a normal weight for an anorexic person, and a terrible speed for a major league fastball. But it does have a significance when applied to the number of wins a baseball team gets in a season. 82 is the number that differentiates the teams that succeeded more often than they failed from the teams that failed more often than they succeeded, or worse yet, the teams that succeeded and failed the same amount and thus had zero effect on the universe (lookin’ at you, ’05 Nats. Why’d you even bother?). The Nationals are now guaranteed to finish the season “at least a little bit good,” even if Stephen Strasburg decides to lock the rest of the team in a  closet for the remainder of September because he can’t stand to see them playing without him. Continue reading

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An Anthropological Study of the Phillie Fan: A Loss for the Nationals, a Gain for Science

Phillie fans amuse themselves by watching the “Phillies” (for which they are named) play a game on this field involving bases, balls, and men.

Final Score: Phillies 4, Nationals 2

Dame of the Game: 

The 2-3 Phillie fans who weren’t horrible to me.

Shame of the Game:

The rest of the Phillie fans.

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Much has been written of the Phillie fan, that savage creature that has for so long invaded and pillaged the beautiful lands of Navy Yard. Our understanding of these people, however, is colored largely by their behavior while on these raids into our homeland. We know little of the social mores and culture of their native land. Our opinion of the Phillie fan may well have been biased by only observing them in their most aggressive state.

In order to right this scientific injustice, I embarked on a journey to Citizens Bank Park in the distant nation of Philadelphia to gain a greater understanding of the Phillie fan and its society. What follows are my findings, obtained at no small risk to my personal well-being.
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