Tag Archives: self-mutilation

Mets Err, No Caution on Side: Hefner’s Play, Boy, Not Good Enough to Top Nats

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It took a little while for Jason Bay to remember what those flying white circles were. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Mets 3.

Dame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-3, 1 R, 1 HR, 4 RBI, 1 BB. The only National to crack the top 5 in all star balloting, failed to crack the top 5 reasons why the Mets lost (they were all Mets players). But he still did good.

Shame of the Game:

Daniel Murphy: 0-4, 2 E. After last night’s game, Jordany Valdespin sat in his locker crying. Murphy approached him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“What’s going on, Jordany?” asked Daniel.

“Daniel, I cost us the game with my two errors!’ replied Jordany.

“So why are you crying?”

“Because I finally have proven that I am a Met!”

Having never seen somebody that happy before, Daniel decided to be like Jordany and commit 2 errors today, once again greatly limiting the Mets chances to win. It was a thrilling day for Murphy, who after months of being a mediocre player too good for this New York team, finally solidified his spot as a New York Met.

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There was no lead to blow last night for the New York Mets. From the first inning on the Nationals were in front, nearly blowing the game twice themselves but ultimately remembering that is not the goal. The Nationals at times tried to do their best Mets impression, committing two errors themselves on the night. But in the end, this team is a whole different team from the Mets; it’s a team that knows how to get the job done. We’ve historically been so different from the Mets that it’s silly to even think we’d blow the game so easily. We don’t have a history of terrible failure. Oh wait, we do. Well, we don’t have an overpaid underperforming outfielder plagued by injuries. Oh wait, we do. Well, we make the playoffs often. Oh wait, we don’t. Oh no…have we been…like the Mets before? Ew. Ew ew ew. I need to go take a shower to wash off this horrible feeling.

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Red Alert: Joey Votto Exists: Nats’ Bats Less than Votto’s as Reds Take Finale

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Before today’s game, Adam LaRoche realizes that the cock shots he sent to a fan were a bad idea. (Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images)

Final Score: Reds 9, Nationals 6.

Dame of the Game:

Danny Espinosa: 2-4, 1 R, 1 2B, 2 RBI, 1 BB, 1 K. How sad does Danny winning this make you? This sad? I thought so.

Shame of the Game:

Henry Rodriguez: Loss, Blown save, .2 IP, 2 H, 2 BB, 4 ER. Oh, Henry. That wasn’t pretty. Tonight, Joey Votto took advantage and made you look like a fool. At least it wasn’t the most embarrassing instance of Joey for National. The National Broadcasting Company made this mistake with Joey years ago. Will we ever learn?

Nearly 4 hours. That’s how long I had to wait to see the Nationals play a baseball game today. Nearly 8 hours. That’s how long I had to wait to see the Nationals lose a baseball game today. You know what I could’ve done in this time? I could’ve painted a picture. I could’ve eaten lunch. I could’ve…I was going to say more but it took me nearly 8 hours to come up with those first two. I haven’t been this upset about waiting so long to see a Nationals success story only to be disappointed since 2005-2011.

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