Tag Archives: shapes

Dan Uggla Forgets How to Do Baseball, Nats Win in 13

I’m really looking forward to coming next time for Toetown Tuesday, when presumably they’ll replace all the intense pictures of players’ faces with pictures of their wiggling toes.

Final Score: Nationals 5, Braves 4

Dame of the Game:

Kurt Suzuki: 2-6. It might seem like an unorthodox choice, but Kurt Suzuki had the accidental infield single that set up Chad Tracy’s dramatic walkoff easy groundball to second. You’re the Dame of the Game, Kurt Suzuki–take a Kurtsy.

Shame of the Game:

Dan Uggla: 1-6, K, that one play that ended the game. The “uggly” pun is almost too easy. But then it’s really his fault for living up so obviously to his last name.

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Last night’s game was The Most Important Game of the Year for the Nationals, and I was there to witness it. What an honor. I was also there to witness The Most Important Drizzle of the Year. What an honor.

When the rain finally went on its merry way, the game got off to a pretty exciting start. The Braves scored a run. The Nats scored a lot of runs! The Braves scored one less than a lot of runs. That all added up to things being tied after four and a half innings, which I naively thought at the time would be halfway through the game. Silly me.

Another exciting game of ┬áthe crowd-favorite “Put Circles in the Circle” is completed. Continue reading

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Giometry 101: Gio Pitches Circles Around Rockies

Gio Gonzalez’s shadow is a better pitcher than most pitcher’s actual bodies. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Rockies 1

Dame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 H, 3 BB, 6 K. Gio’s ability to pitch effectively in extreme heat is surprising only until you remember that he is constantly giving off energy he channels from the earth’s hot magma core.

Shame of the Game:

Rockies Defense: 4 errors. The Rockies defenders just didn’t seem capable of catching, throwing, or spell-checking the two page papers on Giology they were supposed to hand in. Bad grades all around.

——

Hello class. Settle down, settle down.

The Giology Professor is out for the day with some kind of conference or terminal illness, they didn’t tell me which. I’ll be your substitute teacher for the day. My name is Mr. Neptooth. Here, let me write that on the board for you like it’s pronounced:

“Mr. Grrapfth-SHUHHNK-sog”

Say “hi, Mr. Neptooth.” No, that’s not right at all. Let’s just move on.

Now I know this is supposed to be a Giology class, but I don’t know much of anything about Giology. I am, however, an expert in Giometry, a related field, so instead I will give you a Giometry lecture.

I assume you are all familiar with Gio Gonzalez? Good, good. Yes, he is the most important area of study in the scientific and mathematics fields. You already know about his role in the the earth, its evolution, and its rocks. I will now tell you how he participates in the world of shapes. Continue reading

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