Tag Archives: souls

House of Cards: Nationals Park Occupied by Unwelcome Residents

My soul, ca. April 24, 2013, 4:00 pm

My soul, circa April 24, 2013, 4:00 pm

Game 1: 

Cardinals 3, Nationals 2

Game 2:

Cardinals 2, Nationals 0

Game 3: 

Cardinals 4, Nationals 2

Game 5:

Cardinals 10, Nationals 8

They say revenge is a dish best served never. By “they,” I’m talking about Davey Johnson in what I presume was his pre-series speech. Davey has lived a long time, so you can’t expect him to keep all his axioms straight, but you’d think he could at least remember the basic gist of them. In this case, his disintegrating memory combined with the Nationals’ extreme gullibility resulted in dire consequences.

In their first chance to take their rightful vengeance on the St. Louis Cardinals after the game that must not be named, the Nationals instead just served them a plate with a delicious sweepcake. And now, for the first time in recent memory, the Nationals have a losing record. And I’m not just referring to the White Album record that Davey Johnson misplaces so frequently that he refers to it as his “losing record.” The Nationals are actually 10-11.
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Ian Desmond Sort of Injured, Withdraws From All-Star Game

Ian Desmond’s “Kirk Gibson Injured Home Run Trot” is not very convincing.

Ian Desmond has an “injury.” It’s the kind of injury that makes him hit really well. The injury has caused him to withdraw from the All-Star game, so that it can have some time to heal. During the last two days when he’s been “injured,” Desmond has hit two enormous home runs. Since he first started feeling this “injury” in June, he’s hitting .340 with 8 home runs. Desmond claims the injury is of his oblique muscle, but I’m skeptical. I think it’s an injury of the part of his soul that compels him to play baseball badly. I’m very worried that his decision to “heal” the “injury” will revert him to his usual failure of a self.

Replacing Desmond on the NL squad is notorious probable-illegal-immigrant Michael Bourn. Now that he’s no longer a rival of Bryce Harper in getting into the All-Star Game, the ill-will that I have borne Bourn is mostly gone.

The only man of the original five NL Final Vote candidates who is now not going to the All-Star game is Aaron Hill. Hill’s plans for Tuesday night include sitting at home alone watching The Notebook, calling all his ex-girlfriends, and eating Haagen-Dazs until the grief lulls him to sleep.

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