Tag Archives: Spain

Great PR Campaign: Puerto Rican Efforts Persuade US Players to Lose

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Angel Pagan believes he’s a choo-choo train. It’s kind of cute. And also a frightening sign of severe mental illness.

Final Score: Puerto Rico 4, USA 3.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Puerto Rican Campaign of the Spanish American War.

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Americans always look good early on. However whether it’s because of a breakdown in strategy in some sort of competition, or because your metabolism slows down as you age and obesity finally kicks in, the USA tends to look a lot worse in the end. Take the Puerto Rican Campaign of the Spanish American War. America looked dominant early on, taking victories with ease against the Puerto Ricans. But at the very end they floundered, leading to an exit in a region where they could have done a lot more.

Then we look at the WBC. America looked dominant early on, taking victories with ease against the Puerto Ricans. But then in their second game the Americans floundered, leading to an exit in a region where they also could have done a lot more. Friday’s game was strangely similar to the events of the late 1800s for these reasons, and also because a couple fans were taken as POWs. Loria wanted to make sure the stadium was filled next season and had no other options.

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Puerto Beacon: Late Inning Rally Guides Italy Out of Tournament

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A Puerto Rican player realizes he just missed the chance to touch his butt to another man’s butt. How sad.

Final Score: Puerto Rico 4, Italy 3.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Corsican Immigration to Puerto Rico.

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In the early 19th century, Spain grew fearful of a rebellion in their remaining Caribbean colonies, which included Puerto Rico. In the early 21st century, the WBC organizers grew fearful of a rebellion against the WBC. Both governing bodies decided that a jolt was needed to reinvigorate that which could soon slip away from them. The answer in each event was to invite a bunch of Europeans to come on and join the party, which in both cases (the only two times in history) did not lead to a weird discotheque-themed orgy.

Through the Royal Decree of Graces, Spain invited non-Spanish European Catholics to emigrate to Puerto Rico, while through e-mail or something more modern, WBC organizers invited the UK, France, etc. to join their quadrennial event.

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Double Dutch: Netherlands Leap Over Cuba For Second Time

An increasingly tubby Andruw Jones goes out for a morning stroll.

An increasingly tubby Andruw Jones goes out for a morning stroll.

Final Score: Netherlands 7, Cuba 6

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Dutch role in preventing the Cuban Missile Crisis

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This, ladmen and gentleladies, is why the World Baseball Classic is wonderful. A baseball powerhouse against a baseball upstart; the New World against the Old and the Old Baseball World against the New. Someone named Kalian Sams hitting a walk-off sac fly.

If you have been an assiduous follower of The Zimmerman(n) Telegram’s WBC coverage (FOR SHAME if you have not), you’ll clearly remember my comrade’s coverage of the last CUB-NED game, which was an obvious metaphor for Dutch adventures in 17th century Spanish Cuba. For this post, the foreign power the Dutch are dealing with in Cuba will be not the Spanish, but the Soviet Union. We’re later in the World Baseball Classic, so the metaphor is later in time. Obviously. Continue reading

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Ca-raucous Outburst of Offense: Venezuela Takes Spanish Crown Down

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Spanish-Venezuelan tensions had cooled in recent years, as President Hugo Chavez and King Juan Carlos had become ballroom dancing partners.

Final Score: Venezuela 11, Spain 6.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Venezuelan Declaration of Independence.

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If there’s one thing that pisses off Venezuela it’s, well, there are actually a lot of things that piss of Venezuelans. Let me just scroll through this 48-page Word document I have to make sure the one I wanted is there… George W. Bush, no… Jews? Really? I didn’t know that, but no… Ah, yes. Here it is. Spain.

Spain once controlled the area that is now Venezuela, and treated them quite poorly. After many years of oppression, the Venezuelans said enough is enough, which is coincidentally what Miguel Cabrera often tells Prince Fielder as to ensure some of the pre-game buffet remains for other players.

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Spain and Gain: Dominicans “Rock” Spain, Make Their “Mark”

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An effort to get the hot dog vendor’s attention falls short for Carlos Santana.

Final Score: Dominican Republic 6, Spain 3.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Dominican Restoration War.

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The Dominican Republic is not the feared baseball nation it once was. Its national pride has taken a hit as the team has struggled in the past two WBCs. And what’s even worse is that Dominicans no longer have impressive website making skills to fall back on. Coming into their game vs. Spain they might as well have changed their name to the Dominican’t Republic. Or the Diminishedcan Republic. Or the Shitty Dominican Republic. Any of those clever names work.

But historically all it takes for the DR to get their national pride back is a good ol’ whipping of Spain. From 1863 to 1865, the Dominicans and Spain fought in the Dominican Restoration War, a conflict where a rebellious Dominicans aimed to reclaim their territory from Spain. The Dominican players followed in their ancestors’ footsteps by doing everything they could to evict Spain from the baseball field territory, most notably turning on the sprinklers and passive-aggressively shouting leave during a brief 4th inning delay. Eventually the groundskeepers found the off switch.

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A Spainful Defeat: Another Colony Gets Revenge on the Motherland

Puerto Rico got a little help from @Teddy26Nats

Final Score: Puerto Rico 3, Spain 0

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Spanish-American War

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Puerto Rico was one of the last Caribbean colonies that Spain was able to clutch on to with its siesta-taking tentacles. The Puerto Rican independence movement started hitting the big time in 1868, when the island first revolted against Spanish rule. And then immediately lost against some lackluster Spanish militia. Poor Puerto Rico.

Fortunately for the rich port-ers, they got some help from a friendly neighbor in 1898 in the form of the United Fucking States. While the U.S. didn’t decisively take Puerto Rico militarily, Spain did cede the island in the 1898 Treaty of Paris, in which the Spanish admitted to having lost the war pretty badly.

Puerto Rico was free! By which I mean they were American, not independent. But aside from the freedom, the best part about being American was that Puerto Rico could start learning new things at which to beat the Spanish. Continue reading

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