Tag Archives: spankings

Nats Fail to Finish Chore of Sweeping, Get Beaten by Dads: A Padres Series Recap

Game 1:

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A doctor (not shown) chases Span to try and finally cut off his umbilical cord. However, Denard doesn’t want to part with it after all these years, and runs away. (AP Photo/Lenny Ignelzi)

Nationals 6, Padres 2

Stephen Strasburg dominated the Padres on Thursday night, going 8 innings and allowing just 1 earned run. With a rough start to the season, Strasburg hopefully turned things around with his tremendous performance. What changed for him? Well, San Diego is where he’s from. And apparently that means a great deal for his comfort. He was quoted as saying, “It’s easy pitching in front of a lot of loved ones.” Understandable. But I have a question Stephen.

You…don’t love us?

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New York on Sunday, Nats Offense Taking a Nap

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What a bad teacher.

Final Score: Mets 2, Nationals 0.

Belle of the Ball: Anthony Rendon. Rendon had a terrible debut, going 0 for 4 and making an error. But there’s no reason to hurt his confidence now. We need to support him in this new experience, and give him our praise hoping he will become a star.

But if he ever goes 0 for 4 again I will disown him.

Smell of the Ball: Jayson Werthless. Get what I did there with the name? It’s a funny pun, since his name is Werth and he is HORRIBLE SO HORRIBLE, WHY WOULD YOU SWING AT A 3-0 PITCH WHEN THE PITCHER WASN’T THROWING STRIKES. COULD YOU BE MORE STUPID? THE ANSWER IS NO, UNLESS YOU WENT BACK INTO THE CLUBHOUSE AND SCRAPED PAINT OFF THE WALL AND JUST ATE IT FOR HOURS, WHICH IS NOW WHAT I’M GUESSING YOU DID BECAUSE YOU DO NOTHING THAT MAKES SENSE. WE COULD HAVE HAD THE BASES LOADED AND 0 OUT BUT INSTEAD THE WORLD IS OVER AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT.

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Henry Rodriguez finds comfort in another man who has trouble throwing strikes.

Today was Ron Darling Bobblehead Day at Citi Field. Many teams have special tributes to the players honored with the toy during these games. The Phillies recently hosted a Lenny Dykstra bobblehead day where food vendors would take all the money in your wallet when you tried to pay for something. The Cardinals, during Ozzie Smith bobblehead day, all tried to do backflips, resulting in serious neck injuries for most. And of course how could we forget the Giants’s Fred Merkle bobblehead day, where every player had to play with a boner.

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Nats Acquire Denard Span

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Denard’s mother believes having discipline is important for baseball, and still believes in spankings to enforce it. Denard is not fond of spankings. Or as his mom calls them, “SPANkings.”

The Nationals pulled off a big trade just minutes ago, acquiring Denard Span from the Twins for pitching prospect Alex Meyer. The team has been trying to find a solid CF for a few years, and have made many attempts at Denard during that Span of time. The (front) Office has done good by bringing in Denard Dog.

Span has dealt with injuries for a few years, but when playing he’s a big on-base threat and a quality fielder. While this would be a good acquisition for any team, it means a lot for the Nationals. The move allows Werth and Harper to move to the corner outfield spots, making Morse or Moore a valuable trade chip, and the re-signing of LaRoche not such a sure thing. I’m sure Adam would be worried about what this means for his future with the Nats, if he hadn’t already been distracted by 3 separate topics in the last 5 minutes.

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