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Nats Offense is Flaccid and Placid in 5th Straight Loss

We all know you're on the Nationals, Bryce Harper. Stop trying to hide it. It's not that embarrassing. (Also, your pullover kinda gives it away) (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Final Score: Diamondbacks 5, Nationals 1

Dame of the Game:

Roger Bernadina: 1-1, 2B, R. He did nothing wrong, unlike everyone else.

Shame of the Game:

The whole offense: Ugly. So ugly they made Trevor Cahill look handsome. Well, not really.

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Happy International Workers Day, everybody. Today is a day when we celebrate the proletariat, the poor, the downtrodden, the have-nots. And who has less than the Nationals offense these days? If runs were wealth, the Nationals would be living in a hovel made out of wealthy peoples’ litter, eating their own pets and drinking each others’ saliva. They’d be camping outside Nationals Park with signs that say “We Are the 99%,” which would be a total lie because they’re really only about the 3.3% of baseball players and everyone else gets a normal amount of runs.

But runs aren’t wealth.  Money is wealth, and the Nationals hitters are making plenty of money. So they really have no right to be celebrating May Day by not scoring any runs in solidarity with the billions of oppressed workers worldwide. Yet that’s exactly what they did. These days,  I don’t even bother to watch Nationals games until the 5th inning or so because I can be pretty confident that no one’s scored yet. Granted, today was another “let’s screw over Jordan Zimmermann” day, but even after the Mermann swam out of the game the offensive performance was underwhelming. “But maybe Trevor Cahill is just a fabulous, Hall of Fame-bound pitcher,” you say. Stop saying that, it’s stupid. Continue reading

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