Tag Archives: Superman

… : … (Part 2)

Instead of having CIA-head David Petraeus throw out a ceremonial first pitch, the Nats would have been better off having him call in a non-ceremonial drone strike on Giancarlo Stanton. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Marlins 8, Nationals 0.

Dame of the Game:

Sandy Leon: 0-0. Just kidding, it’s no one.

Shame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 0-3. The ohfer is less shameful than the fact that he, as a cleanup hitter, only got up three times. That’s not entirely his fault, but I’m in no mood to accurately assign blame for this game.

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There are a couple of things that make this game slightly less miserable than the near-identical game from about a week and a half ago. One, Stephen Strasburg wasn’t pitching this time, so we didn’t have to worry about the fact that his innings were being wasted on an overflowing toilet of a baseball game. Unfortunately, that thing is canceled out by the fact that we now know that Strasburg won’t pitch again this year at all, which casts a pall of misery over pretty much every Nats-related thing that happens. Two, the Nationals only got shut out 8-0 this time instead of 9-0. Unfortunately, that thing is canceled out by the fact that WHO CARES THEY STILL GOT SHUT OUT BY RICKY NOLASCO AGAIN. Continue reading

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K-9: Strasburg Fetches Us a Win, Even with Neutering Soon to Come

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“So you’re telling me that even if I use this arm they won’t let me pitch past September 12th?” (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Cardinals 3.

Dame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: 6 IP, 2 H, 1 BB, 0 R, 9 K. Push it to the innings limit. Innings limit! Past the point of no return. You’ve reached the top, but now you’re gonna learn that this is a very bad idea. Paul Engemann wrote the song well before he knew that the Nats would be preventing more starts like this. I think he should amend those lyrics.

Shame of the Game:

Lance Lynn: Loss, 1 IP, 4 H, 2 ER. Cards fans must be experiencing Lynnsanity! Sadly, this spelling of the affliction suggests severe depression as opposed to excitement.

———-

The Nationals are safe for 20 more years. Safe from being as pitiful as the 1993-2011 Pittsburgh Pirates. For 19 years, the Pirates ended up below .500 season after season. From 2006-2011, the Nationals played a quality of ball very successful in imitating those 19 years in Pittsburgh. Thankfully they weren’t old enough to suck that much over and over on camera. There is an age limit for going into porn after all. But as they stood about 1/3 of the way to the record before tonight, they have to start all over again. With tonight’s win, we will not finish with a losing record this season, for the first time since the first year in Washington. In fact, we might end up with a winning record for the first time ever. Unless we lose 29 straight games. Which we can all rightfully blame on Strasburg’s innings limit. So quickly Rizzo, let’s not go ahead and do that.

Continue reading

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