Tag Archives: tears

I’ve Seen Things, I’ve Seen Them With My Eyes, Like Nationals Winning Games

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This is the shirt they gave away, featuring Mr. Met and, uh, I’m not good with faces… Kinda looks like Derek Bell?

Nationals 6, Mets 4

I finally got to attend a Nationals-Mets game that the Nationals won. How weird is it that I had to use the word finally? That’s like going to the mall and then leaving and saying, “I finally got to go to the mall without being attacked by a giraffe.” It’s not something you would’ve expected to happen multiple times before, much like the Mets beating the Nats, but somehow it did.

For a while though, it looked like the Nationals would greatly disappoint me again. Through 7 innings, Ian Desmond was the only one who had done anything good. If the rest of our team was made up of quadruple amputees, this would be acceptable. But since the team is not all quadruple amputees, Desmond being to only one to succeed is frustrating. Thankfully the Mets “Metsed,” and had a terrific collapse that allowed the Nats to come out on top.

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Matt Skole Wins SAL MVP

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The awards are not as fancy as they used to be.

Nationals prospect Matt Skole has won the South Atlantic League MVP. He follows in the footsteps of people such as Marcus Giles, Ruben Rivera, and Scott Seabol. These footsteps are often wet and muddy, due to the tears these players cried over their failing careers.

Skole had spent most of the season with the Hagerstown Suns before a recent promotion to Potomac. Winning the award for his efforts in Hagerstown, I guess you could say that Skole was the league’s favorite Sun. All of the other Suns aren’t sure what they could’ve done to make the fatherly league officials prouder, since they can’t reasonably use the excuse, “Well maybe if you played sports like your brother!”

Matt Skole has done well in his brief time in Potomac and will hopefully continue to climb the ranks. I know the chewing tobacco companies hope that he makes it big. Just imagine the advertising opportunities! “Skole Brand Skoal.” Just imagine the cancer opportunities!

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2012 Nationals Player Profile: Kurt Suzuki

Kurt Suzuki never looks anyone in the eyes because his only goal in life is to never lose a staring contest.

The Kurt Suzuki Rap (Not Very Good)

Yo

Yo yo yo yo

Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnh

My name is Kurt Suzuki
Got an arm like a bazook-I
But my bat’s more like a wet pool noodle

I love long walks on the beach
Letting out a primal screech
Scarfing down a plate of warm apple streudel

Share my last name with Ichiro
But don’t expect me to be your hero
No I don’t really deserve to be annointed

Though I might get some caught stealings
You’ll just end up with hurt feelings
And then cry yourself to sleep so disappointed Continue reading

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Possessive ApASTROphe: Nationals Enslave Astros, Win Third Straight

"What? No! My shirt's just baggy!" --Lucas Harrell, after the umpire called him fat.

Final Score: Nationals 3, Astros 2

Dame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann: 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 H, 0 BB, 3 K. Zimmermann has found himself a new hobby this year: pitching seven innings and giving up one run. It’s a strangely specific hobby, but I’m not complaining. It’s definitely better than his previous hobby–collecting roadkill.

Shame of the Game: 

Fernando Rodriguez: .1 IP, 2 ER, 1 H, 2 BB, Loss. Rodriguez joins Kerry Wood and Carlos Marmol in a club of pitchers who have blown leads to the Nats in the 8th inning mostly by walking people. In this triumvirate of poor and wild relievers, I’d say Rodriguez is the Lepidus…not a particularly great honor.

A lot of those statistics-loving baseball fans who sit around in their mom’s basement crying, pooping and killing flies¬†claim that wins are a bad statistic and are not representative of a pitcher’s actual performance because pitchers have no control over the run support they get from their offense. These computerlubbers might point to Jordan Zimmermann as the perfect example of the uselessness of wins, and at first glance they’d be right. Zimmermann is winless this season despite pitching 21 innings and allowing only three runs. The trend continued tonight: Zimmerman pitched 7 great innings, but the Nats didn’t bother to take the lead until the 8th, after he’d already left the game. So is he just unlucky? I don’t think so. This isn’t a new thing–last year he had the lowest run support of any starter in baseball, ending up with an 8-11 record despite a 3.10 ERA. No, I think there’s a very good reason why the Nationals hitters never score runs for Jordan Zimmerman. It’s because they hate him. Continue reading

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