Tag Archives: Terry Francona

Happy (Is that possible anymore?) Birthday Bryce Harper

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Still not legal.

There will be no more teenagers hanging around the Nationals clubhouse. Unless we make a trade with the Indians that brings Terry Francona to us in some capacity. Bryce Harper turned 20 years old today. He must be thrilled that the Nationals were eliminated a few days ago. I mean, who wants to spend their birthday working? Now he can go out and have some fun!

Lets hope that this teen idol grows up well, better than the many teen stars who aged poorly. It would be a shame to see him go the way of a Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears. Although Britney actually has some good things to offer him, like that shaved head look. It’d be a lot better on him than the weird mullet thing he had this year.

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Boston’s Common: Strasburg Beats Another Team, Again

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Davey Johnson decides what part of Bryce Harper he’s going to touch. (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 7, Red Sox 4.

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper/Stephen Strasburg: 3-5, 2 R, 1 HR, 1 2B, 3 RBI, Win, 6 IP, 4 H, 2 ER, 2 BB, 13 K. Probably the most impressive statistical line of any dame of the game to date, aside from any instance where Brad Lidge might have not given up a run, but I’m pretty sure he’s never won this award. Both Harper and Strasburg in their own unique ways were the big reasons the Nationals dominated the Red Sox tonight. I’m sure every Red Sox fan wishes they had stayed home. 19 and 23 year olds used to be a welcome site in Fenway, but Terry Francona is no longer managing so nobody really is there to greet them with pics of themselves in a towel anymore.

Shame of the Game:

The Entire Red Sox Organization. You are playing host to Bryce Harper, Stephen Strasburg and many more talented Nationals for the first time ever and you don’t roll out red carpets for them to walk to the field from the dugout? You don’t replace every scoreboard proposal message with fans begging those two players to marry them? You don’t tell Saltalamacchia to kiss Bryce’s feet every time he comes into the batter’s box? Please, next time show some respect, you filthy whore bastard bags of shit.

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It was a day of firsts. The first time Stephen Strasburg faced the Red Sox. The first time a 19-year old homered in Fenway Park in nearly 40 years. The first time Tom Gorzelanny touched a willing woman (Please don’t tell him it was a mannequin set up by the team, just for his self esteem). The Nationals trek to Fenway Park got off on a good start as all the pieces came together and a win was produced. It was really something for many players to see the Green Monster for the first time. No, I’m not talking about the wall. I’m talking about that monstrously large guy named David Ortiz, who’s obsessed with money. Why else would he get so furious about not getting his RBI if it didn’t mean a bigger payday? Padding his stats, and his waist, are things Ortiz knows well.

But let’s not focus on David Ortiz. The Nationals are the team we all care about.

Wait, hold on. I gotta cough.

*COUGH*DAVID ORTIZ IS A SELFISH JERK*COUGH*

Yes, that sounded natural.

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Nats Continue Medlen with Braves: Minor Effort Drops Atlanta to 4th

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“Mommy, mommy! Get it away!” (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 8, Braves 4.

Dame of the Game:

Danny Espinosa: 2-5, 2 R, 1 HR, 1 2B, 3 RBI. Usually if a manager says I’m going to put someone with a .650 OPS in the leadoff spot, you’d say “No, Dusty. I don’t know why we hired you and Neifi in the first place.” Today Johnson’s gamble paid off. It probably won’t tomorrow though so let’s just get him out of that spot.

Shame of the Game: (Tonight’s Shame of the Game will be written by guest poster Henry Rodriguez)

Tyler Clippard: Save, .2 IP, 1 K. Tyler Clippard is a bad person. His three near perfect saves are much worse than me because I like to have fun and make things interesting. Now my wife won’t talk to me because she has eyes for Tyler. Please give me food, nobody will.

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Today, Stephen Strasburg did what everybody expected. Expected Bryce Harper to do, that is, going 1-2 and bumping his OPS up to 1.143. His pitching line included allowing 4 ER for the second time in three starts. John Lannan, maybe there will be a spot in the rotation after all if we move Strasburg to fill the hole in left… I’m just kidding John. Sorry to get your hopes up, although I imagine there aren’t any to get up after all your hopes and dreams were shattered when being demoted to AAA.

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