Tag Archives: theft

Where’s Your God Now, Mets Fans? RA Burns Himself In Loss

Harper briefly retired in the 1st inning, throwing away his bat. He then realized that being a baseball player probably means you have very few other real world skills, and changed his mind. (Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Mets 2.

Dame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: Win, 7 IP, 2 H, 2 BB, 1 R, 0 ER, 4 K. Gio got much more satisfaction out of his meeting with Dickey this time around. R.A. must’ve been taking Viagra this time or something.

Shame of the Game:

R.A. Dickey: Loss, 6 IP, 8 H, 1 BB, 5 R, 4 ER, 7 K. Dickey lost for the first time in his last 12 decisions. People will surely say the decision was fixed and that the decision should have been awarded to Dickey, but those people are probably drunken boxing fans who somehow stumbled upon a baseball game.

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Trying new things can really help you live a happier life. Just look at the Nationals this season, and their decision to try winning games. I’d say everyone’s thrilled about that. Note: I don’t consider Braves, Mets, Marlins and Phillies fans important enough to be included in “everyone.” For Phillies fans in part because they’re barely people. Have you looked at some of them? Adam LaRoche took the advice to try something new today when it came to facing R.A. Dickey, by using Roger Bernadina’s bat. The result: A home run. This success using Bernadina’s lumber says to me only one thing…

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Edwar-ding Off The Demons: Nationals Offense Surpasses Expectations Again By Not Being No-Hit

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Ian Desmond wonders if the Nationals’ “no high five” policy actually exists, or was an excuse to avoid touching him since he picks his nose a lot. (Photo by Justin Edmonds/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 11, Rockies 5.

Dame of the Game:

Tyler Moore: 3-5, 2 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 2 RBI. I bet Moore wished he played in Coors Moore often because he’d hit a lot Moore home runs. Moore than that, he’s driving in runs Moore consistently and proving to be a Moore valuable asset out of the bottom of the lineup than expected. What a tasty little Moore-sel Tyler has turned out to be.

Shame of the Game:

Chien-Ming Wang: 1 IP, 3 H, 2 ER, 1 K. Wang responded to his demotion to the bullpen with an effort that validated his demotion to the bullpen. Say what you want about him being bad, but I know why he did so bad. He really cares about Davey Johnson’s feelings and just wanted to make Davey feel confident in his choice. He is a very caring individual. And a very bad pitcher.

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Is theft of property illegal? I hope not because I like Coors Field, and frankly, I want the Nationals to steal it. I don’t know what’s helped the Nationals offense score 23 runs these past 2 days, but I’m a fan. Maybe it’s the offensive reputation of the park, maybe it’s the terrible terrible pitching that the Rockies seem to have, or maybe we’re all in a drug-induced daze and the Nationals haven’t in fact scored 23 runs these past 2 days. I’m pretty sure it’s a combination of the first two, I mean they say to take two Advils for a headache, right? I did just that, two jars of Advil. And I couldn’t feel more clearheaded. Sfaoinfweiofnew buta taosdij epiear ¬†eaoirierejo :0

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