Tag Archives: Tim Hudson

Braves’ New World: Hudson Explores Well-Charted Route Down Plate Before Being Sunk

Mike Morse had never realized there was a plate below him to measure the strikezone until today. (AP Photo/David Tulis)

Final Score: Nationals 8, Braves 4.

Dame of the Game:

Ryan Zimmerman: 3-5, 2 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 4 RBI. Zim, Zim, he’s our man. If he can’t do it, no one can! I am of course referring to Don Zimmer in this case. As for what he’s doing so successfully, I’m obviously talking about being a cuddly play thing that will certainly not give you nightmares.

Shame of the Game:

Tim Hudson: Loss, 6 IP, 8 H, 2 BB, 5 ER, 4 K. On a hot day like today, some pitchers would have trouble gripping the ball due to watery perspiration. However this should be no excuse for Hudson’s poor performance. I mean it’s a river, I figured it would be used to water.

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On a day that all-stars were announced, it is clear that Strasburg, Gonzalez and Desmond not only earned the right to play in the game, but also took on the properties of a star. Something on that field made it unbearably hot, and I can only assume it was Ian Desmond in his Red Giant phase. But the Nats and Braves played on despite water dripping down their faces, the sun turning their skin red, and Davey Johnson rocking a bikini which he claimed help cool him off. Don’t believe me? Well I would say take a look at this actual, not faked photo…but I don’t want to scar all of you forever.

Eh, whatever:

Oh…

I’m so sorry.

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Nats Explore the Hudson, Discover Runs, Kill Natives

“Ahhhhh, this is relaxing” (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 7, Braves 4

Dame of the Game:

Chien-Ming Wang: 3 IP, 1 ER, 3 H, Win. Okay, so he allowed two inherited runners to score and let Jayson Heyward have his way with him, but he got a win in his 2012 debut! Chien-Ming Wang: 1-0. A sight for Wangless eyes.

Shame of the Game:

Chien-Ming Wang: But, he also cheated on his wife. He must be punished for his immorality, and what better punishment than a Shame of the Game? Once he has accepted this just penance, he will be absolved of his crime in the eyes of me, God, and presumably his wife.

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The Nationals played their first game against their biggest divisional rivals last night, the Atlanta Braves. Atlanta fought bravely, but even great courage was no match for the superior skill exhibited by the Nats, and the Braves found themselves with no win and no scalps.

It was a big day for Rick “Santorum” Ankiel, who got his Game On and went 2-4 with a triple, 2 RBIs, and hundreds of gay people made unhappy. Assuming that there are hundreds of gay Braves fans, of course.

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