Tag Archives: Todd Akin

I’M TOO ANGRY TO COME UP WITH A CLEVER HEADLINE: Phils Sweep Nats

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This nut kicking epidemic is getting out of hand. (AP Photo/H. Rumph Jr)

Final Score: Phillies 4, Nationals 1.

Dame of the Game:

Tyler Moore: 2-4, 2 2B, 1 RBI. For the second game this series, Moore was the only National to drive in a run. I wish we could have a lot¬†Moore¬†of him in the lineup…ha…ha…but the last time we tried cloning a player, a slug snuck into the machine with Kip Wells and…well…now we have Tom. So let’s not risk that again.

Shame of the Game:

That strange congealed mayonnaise pile who sits in the Phillies dugout and makes pitching changes, for somehow out-managing Davey this series. What? That’s a human being? Hmm, that kind of explains why he’s wearing pants.

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I trusted you, Barack Obama. I trusted you, when in 2008, you promised change in Washington. Don’t get me wrong, I knew it would take time, but I thought by 2012 our time would have arrived. I understand you inherited a mess from Bush, but I hoped you would follow through with your goals. I expected the change that you promised, but all I’ve seen is the same shit that I’ve known since 2005. You have done nothing to help Washington. Just look at the numbers! We are still losing series to the Phillies and I am fed up! I voted for you to have you help Washington beat the Phillies. But instead, the Phillies sweep yet another series from us, and go up 7-5 on the season. You have done a sad sad job as President. I mean, kudos on the wars ending, gay marriage supporting, car industry saving, etc. But really, you fucked up here and that’s inexcusable.

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Paul-Bearer of Bad News: Maholm Tries Carrying Dead Team but Drops Them

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Mike Rizzo comes out on the field, finally revealing who he had in mind to replace Strasburg in the rotation. Himself. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Braves 1.

Dame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: Win, 6 IP, 4 H, 1 BB, 1 ER, 10 K. Strasburg certainly doesn’t want to drop out of the rotation, still polling very favorably with his fans. But it all comes down to pressure put on him from those within his organization, who might make him bow out against his will in the end. This seems very Akin to another situation in the news. Especially since this too has a lot to do with rape, with Strasburg raping opposing teams every start.

Shame of the Game:

Paul Maholm: Loss, 7 IP, 7 H, 1 BB, 4 ER, 6 K. It certainly wasn’t an a-Paul-ing start, but I had to give it to someone. Hmm, maybe I should get Shame of the Game for that appalling pun.

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“Rain, rain, go away, come again another day.” A phrase said by many normal people when it is raining, or many insane people because they are insane. Well fuck the people who said it yesterday, cause it caused a delay tonight and that was annoying. What are we supposed to do during all these rain delays? See why there’s so much crying coming from the baby monitor? No. I want my kid to learn problem solving skills. I hope all have you watched the game. If you didn’t, then I feel it’s fair to make you suffer the same wait that us others had to experience earlier today. So I’m going to add a 51 minute delay into this post for your reading.

 

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