Tag Archives: toenails

John Lannan Allows Grand Slam 5 Pitches Into AAA Game

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This picture’s quality is better than John Lannan’s.

A strange thing happened in Syracuse tonight. John Lannan took the mound, and promptly threw a ball. The next pitch, a single. The next pitch, a single. The next pitch, a single. And the fifth pitch. Well. Nope.

Erik Kratz took Lannan deep for a grand slam on just the 5th pitch of the game. Grand things seem to happen to Lannan very quickly. Slams. Demotions. I’ll assume his toenails fall off much earlier than they’re supposed to as well.

I would imagine nobody is wearing a Lannan Chiefs jersey anymore. Probably the fabric breaks down much earlier than people hoped it to.

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Gio-Thermal Energy: An Efficient, Environmentally-Friendly Alternative to Oil, Coal, and Tom Gorzelanny

It was a lovely day for ruining the days of Phillies fans.

Final Score: Nationals 7, Phillies 1

Dame of the Game:

Jayson Werth: 2-4, HR, 3 RBI, 2 R, K. Gio was awesome, but Werth did the most satisfying thing of the day: hitting a three run homer of Vance Worley that cut off the tongues (figuratively, sadly) of the Phillies fans who had been taunting him all game. Speaking of which,

Shame of the Game:

Phillies fans. During the offseason, it’s easy to think to yourself “You know, Phillies fans are people too. They have spouses and children and and beer that they love just as much as the rest of us. I’m sure they’re all basically good at heart and I’ve just exaggerated how terrible they are in my mind.” Then you see a particularly loud, obnoxious and drunk one shoving a “CB South” sign in your face and you remember that some stereotypes are true.

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The Zimmerman(n) Telegram was back for more Natitude[sic] Park this afternoon, so I hope you’re ready for another photo-based game summary. Cause here it comes, hot, steaming and in colorful.

After last night’s toenail biter (we ran out of fingernails by the 10th), today’s game was like receiving a massage while watching a beautiful sunset. In this metaphor, it was Jayson Werth, Chad Tracy and Ian Desmond’s powerful hands that kneaded my muscles with home runs while Gio Gonzalez’s smiling head sank slowly below the horizon, leaving a National-red hue in its wake. ┬áToday’s game could hardly have been pleasanter…except for one extremely upsetting event. Continue reading

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