Tag Archives: towels

Nationals Re-Sign Zach Duke

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“As long as they keep feeding me more of these towels, I’ll be very happy in Washington!”

The Nationals have re-signed Zach Duke to a major league contract, according to Amanda Comak. The team has also re-signed Zach Duke to a minor league contract, according to Rotoworld. I am now reporting that the Nationals have re-signed Zach Duke to a diminished league contract. Expect Bill Ladson to soon report something about an augmented league contract.

If Duke does play on the major league squad this season he’ll be replacing Tom Gorzelanny. That makes this signing especially attractive. I look forward to being able to keep my eyes open again during late inning blowouts.

Update: The Nationals twitter confirms the deal to be for a major league contract. Just a minor change to my story, I hope it doesn’t diminish your enjoyment of the jokes I made before.

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NLDS Game 5: A Nationals Tragedy

The gateway would have better represented what was in store for me inside had it read “Arbeit Macht Frei.”

Baseball is over, and I have come a long way in my emotional healing process since attending Game 5 of the NLDS. At long last, I feel that I can write about that game without breaking down, hiding under my bed, and trembling for a few hours until the flashbacks go away. Okay. Deep breath. Here goes.

The tears wept by thousands of Nationals fans after the bottom of the 9th of Game 5 have long since turned into a fine mist that hovered over Nationals Park and descended to earth to water the outfield grass so it will grow still greener next seas-NO NO NO OH GOD IT’S ALL COMING BACK NO I CAN’T RELIVE IT ALL AGAIN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was a perfect night for October baseball. The air was crisp, the sky was clear, the crowd was abuzz, and the Cardinals fan sitting to my right was shrieking like a rabid banshee biting off her own fingers.

Oh wait, that last thing does not belong in the “perfect” category. It seemed that a woman had traveled hundreds of miles from St. Louis to Washington, DC for the sole purpose of shortening the number of years before I need a hearing aid.

People haven’t been so excited about waving red towels since brides after their wedding nights in the middle ages.

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