Tag Archives: treason

NLDS Game 3: Badwin Jackson

I stopped off before the game at the Flags and Balloons Convention.

Did the Nats win: Nah.

Was it fun to watch: It was literally the least pleasant experience I’ve ever had watching a baseball game in person.

Visceral Emotion of the Game: A nagging doubt that baseball has ever actually been enjoyable for anyone.

It was a perfect day for baseball. To be sure, many days have been described as “the perfect day for baseball” over the years, and some have definitely been better than others, so I can understand your skepticism over that statement. But I would contend that this day, the first home playoff game of your Washington Nationals, was the one. The best weather that October has to offer, a crowd of Nationals fans abuzz with what I absolutely refuse to refer to as “October Natitude,” and this thing happening:

Ian Desmond’s postseason success has apparently made him much taller, much younger, and much more contemptuous of black people.

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Hey, I Heard You Like the Wild Ones: Rodriguez Throws Game to the Backstop in 9th

If I took Tom Gorzelanny to face Matt Kemp, it'd be a home run.

Final Score: Dodgers 4, Nationals 3

Douchebag of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 1-3, 2B, RBI, 1 Awesome Throw. I just can’t bring myself to call Bryce Harper a “dame.” He really should get this award every game he plays, but I’ll only give it to him when he does something particularly noteworthy, like play pretty well in his debut or hand the pitcher a thank you note when he hits a home run.

Shame of the Game:

Henry Rodriguez: .2 IP, 2 ER, 3 H, 2 K, 3 Horribly Wild Throws. Brad Lidge’s physical form is gone, but he seems to have left his spirit behind. You must fight it, Henry Rodriguez. Banish that Brad Lidge essence within you to the save-blowing realm it came from.

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I haven’t questioned much that Davey Johnson has done thus far this year. After all, there’s no point in second guessing managerial decisions when the team is winning games. But last night, Davey Johnson did a bad thing. Was it the worst thing he’s ever done in his life? Probably not. I don’t know how many people he’s killed, shops he’s lifted, treasons he’s committed, backs he’s stabbed, genocides he’s condoned. Perhaps hundreds. Perhaps thousands. But this thing that he did last night has to be up there among the very bad of the very worst. He let Tom Gorzelanny face Matt Kemp in a situation where if a home run happened, the Nationals would lose. A home run happened.

Now, this wasn’t a case of the best hitter in baseball facing the worst pitcher in baseball, but that’s only because Sean Burnett wasn’t available to pitch. The most apt analogy that comes to mind is an emperor setting up a gladiator duel between a retarded Christian baby with no knees and a pride of lions. Thumbs down, Davey Johnson. Continue reading

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