Tag Archives: Vicente Padilla

1 Is The Loneliest Number That You’ll Ever Hit: A Reds Series Recap

Game 1:


Gio and this female reporter have very different reactions to being covered in urine. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Nationals 8, Reds 1

I had my iTunes playlist all ready for Gio’s start. Songs like “Walk This Way,” “These Boots Are Made For Walking,” “Walking On Sunshine,” and many more tunes that would make paraplegics very depressed, were all primed up and ready to be played every time Gio walked a batter. And wouldn’t you know it, Gio lacked control yet again. He walked DOUBLE the amount of players that he allowed hits to. That’s right, TWO walks, and- Oh. He threw an 8 inning 1 hitter? That’s pretty awesome. Knowing Gio had such a good game relaxes me more than those other 1 hitters filled with pot.

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Maple Leafs Ragged: USA Tops Neighbor to North Which is Ironic Because of Geography


I’m unsure if this is the same animal that the U.S. and Canada fought over, or John Lackey.

Final Score: USA 9, Canada 4.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Pig War.


Pigs. No matter if you’re a normal guy just eating them, or if you’re mark Mark Teixeira and they’re throwing at you high and inside, pigs have a great impact on our lives. So great that the United States and Canada thought they should fight a war because of one. Ok, well maybe it was actually a conflict over disputed islands that was set off because of the death of a pig. But I think it’s a lot less embarrassing to say you were fighting over a pig, because bacon tastes delicious and islands do not.

In 1859, a Northwestern American farmer named Lyman Cutlar found a pig in the garden, eating his tubers. If this doesn’t sound like the start of a softcore porn movie, I don’t know what does. So Cutlar killed the pig. Turns out the pig was owned by an Irishman located in Canadian lands just across the border, who was quite upset. Cutlar offered him $10 to replace the pig, the Irishman demanded $100, and the United States and British-controlled Canada went to war. You know, the traditional way things go when a pig is killed.

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POMeranz Wonderful: Nats Are Bad, Get Colvin in Their Stockings, Bleachers


There’s nothing that makes a player/lady run in fear like a charging Tom Gorzelanny. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Final Score: Rockies 5, Nationals 1.

Dame of the Game:

The Nationals Off-Field Staff. To my knowledge, they did everything at this game well enough. Everyone got into the stadium, got their food, etc. A job well done.

Shame of the Game:

The Nationals On-Field Staff. To my knowledge, they did everything at this game bad enough. Rockies balls left the stadium, fans threw up their food in disgust, etc. A job poorly done.


Tonight was the 5th Rockies-Nationals matchup of the season. You might remember that for the first game these two teams played this season, I recapped it by comparing it to Rocky I. For tonight’s game, I will recap it by comparing it to Rocky V. So here we go.

This game was as good as Rocky V. Rocky V was awful.

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2012 MLB Season Predictions


Someone will win this.

Despite the first series of 2012 baseball having come to a close, it still is early enough to not know exactly what will end up happening as the season plays on. While many experts have already made their predictions, this blog has failed to do so up until this point. However that changes now, as below are my predictions for the standings and awards for the upcoming baseball season. As I said before, it’s hard to know what’s to come for sure. But I think after watching a weekend of baseball, I have as good an idea as anybody.

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Thirty-Second Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals vs. Boston Hangovers (From All the Beer Last September)


The Nationals Raft is close to finishing its long journey down Spring Training River, after which it will careen straight over Opening Day Falls into Regular Season Lake, where it’ll float around for a few months and hope that it gets sucked down into Playoffs Whirlpool and and finally reach its watery tomb at the bottom of World Series Champions Sinkhole at the center of the earth. Sadly by that point all the Nationals will have drowned, but at least they’ll go out on top. At the bottom. Whatever.

Today the Raft hit a gnarled root in the shape of Vicente Padilla’s ugly face on it, as the Nats lost to the Red Sox 4-2 and Vicente Padilla is apparently on the Red Sox. Ew. The Battle for the Last Spot on the Nationals Roster, which will surely be long-commemorated in the annals of future histories, took a dramatic twist, as Chad Durbin gave up a run on two hits but struck out two. Will that run be the death knell of his roster-making dreams? Fans of things that aren’t really boring everywhere hope so. Otherwise everyone better get ready for a lot of Dur Continue reading

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