Tag Archives: violence

Drawing Stras: Short One Means Tall Pitcher, Marlins Get It

It lingered. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Marlins 1

Dame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 H, BB, 6 K; 1-2, 2 RBI, R. Strasburg’s continued offensive success has gone from being humorous to being a statistical anomaly to being downright unsettling, in a creepy, paranormal activity kind of way. The mere fact that he’s hitting .343 in August makes me more likely to believe in ghosts.

Shame of the Game:

Justin Ruggiano: 0-4, 2K. Serves him right for continuing to have a better OPS than Stephen Strasburg. The nerve!

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Ah, to be young and Stephen Strasburg. To feel impervious to death, to feel like nothing can hurt you, no matter what you do. For most young people who think this, they are dangerously wrong. But for Stephen Strasburg, he’s pretty much right, dangerously so for everyone else in his way. The Marlins tried to stand in his way Sunday, or at least near his way. Then they lost. The Marlins are also young, but unlike Strasburg, they are actually mortal.

The one offensive bright spot for the Marlins was Jose Reyes, who was able to extend his hitting streak to 24 games despite facing someone who’s probably doesn’t even operate on his same plane of existence. Reyes doesn’t have have the greatest grasp of the subtleties of the English language, however, so when he was informed that he was on a “hitting streak” he immediately disrobed and ran around slapping everyone in sight.

Drew Storen earned his first save of the season with a scoreless 9th inning. It seems that Davey Johnson is now alternating closing duties between Clippard and Storen, which makes any Tippeca-Drew and Tyler Too 8th and 9th inning combination unlikely. It’s fine to keep this closer primary going for a while, but eventually a nominee needs to be chosen. They’ll inevitably end up being on the same ticket eventually–at some point the Nationals party just needs pick one for the top spot, lest Natstown be rent in twain by a nasty primary process.

The whole team needs to come together and keep their eyes on the real prize. The Rolaids Relief Man award, of course.

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ScutaRoe v. Wade (and Craig Stammen): Nats Big Comeback Aborted in 11th

“I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun Marco Scutaro” –Dexter Fowler’s thoughts (AP Photo/Chris Schneider)

Final Score: Rockies 11, Nationals 10

Dame of the Game: 

Bryce Harper: 2-6, HR, 2 R, 2 RBI, 3 K. It’s a shame Harper’s first game tying 9th inning home run couldn’t have come in a winning effort. Kind of selfish of him. Why didn’t he save it for a game they were going to win?

Shame of the Game: 

Edwin Jackson: 3 IP, 8 ER, 10 H, 2 BB, 5 K. My mother once told me “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” But I have to say something here. Uh…what a wonderful K/9 you had today, Edwin Jackson.

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Remember the good old days? Things were nicer back then, simpler. People talked to each other face to face. The government didn’t force you to be healthy. The undesirables weren’t allowed to vote. And best of all, Nationals games were low-scoring. Ah, how I long for those days. The warm summer’s breeze blowing on my face as I listened to pitchers duels on my transistor radio. Frolicking among the corn fields as Brad Lidge blew saves. It was a better age. Well, except for the Brad Lidge part.

But that age is gone now. It’s a terrifying new world we face, one where not just the Nationals but their opponents score runs. Lots of runs. More runs than I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Yesterday was the worst case of all. BOTH the Nationals AND the Rockies scored 10 runs in the first 9 innings. That would have been simply unheard of back in the good old days. Does no one else remember what this great nation used to stand for? Low taxes. States rights. Segregation. And good quality pitching. Continue reading

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Are Our Catchers Horribly Injured?

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Happy he escaped.

It’s time for a new segment here where we look at the catchers on the active roster and tell you if they’ve been horribly injured.

Jesus Flores: Not horribly, no.

Carlos Maldonado: Not yet.

Jhonatan Solano: Soon, probably.

Keep tuning in to find out if our catchers go down with violent injuries.

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Nats’ Bats Cole-d: Awful Pun is Only Thing to Smile About After Loss

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Shane Victorino desperately tries to avoid touching second base. I guess he just wasn’t in the mood. (AP Photo/H. Rumph Jr)

Final Score: Phillies 4, Nationals 1.

Dame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 1-4, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Adam LaRoche produced the only runs today. One was the home run, the other was that brown stain running down Papelbon’s backside after being embarrassed.

Shame of the Game:

Cole Hamels: Win, 8 IP, 4 H, 3 BB, 0 R, 8 K. In the past we’ve given this award to people who have done so bad on the opposing team that they gave the Nationals a win. When you think about it, we should be praising those people, and shaming people like Cole Hamels who kept the Nationals from winning today. We should also be leaving flaming bags of poop on his doorstep, mocking his sexual orientation because of his long hair, and spoiling the surprise that Santa doesn’t exist. That’ll show him.

Hey guys, just got back to write this post and I see that my brother filled in the shame of the game already. Let’s see what he said. Uh huh. Uh huh. Ha, yeah, I…what? no. no no no. NOOOOOOOOOO. SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!

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For the second straight Nationals-Phillies series, the Phillies won the finale after losing the first two games. In both of these games, Hamels has pitched 8 innings in a winning effort. It’s become perfectly clear that the Nationals can handle the Phillies except when Cole Hamels is pitching. We need to formulate a better strategy against him. We need to look at tape, study his pitches, and really come to a conclusion on the best way to beat him. I have done just this and might I recommend what I think would be the best strategy for taking on Cole Hamels. Break his legs so we don’t have to play him. I know that players aren’t as willing to resort to violence as they once were. But scary physical experiences have been a part of this game forever. Grabbing and throwing old men. Kicking people in the face. Jose Offerman doing anything. Breaking Cole Hamels’ legs would fit right in! It’s just vintage baseball.

It was a strange day in the life of Jesus Flores. Being one for performing miracles, Jesus tripled. I thought to myself, wow! A catcher getting a triple? If we can have that kind of speedy production out of the catcher spot then maybe losing Ramos won’t be so bad. Then Flores tried stealing a base and failed, reminding me that catchers can’t do things like that. Yet it was still nice to see that miraculous triple. Jesus always reminds us why we believe in and follow him. All 13,500 of us.

The Nats have an off day and then open up a series in Atlanta on friday night. It’ll be a battle between the top two teams in the division, although I expect Washington to come out and beat the Braves. Although we really should’ve saved Jackson for this series. Abusing them is kind of his bread and butter.

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