Tag Archives: Yovani Gallardo

A Jackson Led Massacre: DC Leader Causes Trails of Tears for Nats Fans

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Shane Robinson gets real excited when his teammates give him treats. (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)

Final Score: Cardinals 12, Nationals 2.

Dame of the Game:

Zach Duke: 1 IP, 0 H, 0 BB, 0 R. Zach, you were the only one who didn’t hurt at all last night. A compliment in baseball, a demoralizing feeling in orgies.

Shame of the Game:

Edwin Jackson: Loss, 1.1 IP, 6 H, 4 BB, 8 ER. I don’t know what’s worse. Edwin doing so poorly, or the time I nearly drowned in the ocean. Probably Edwin’s performance.

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In April, I predicted the Diamondbacks would be World Series champions. A pretty reasonable prediction, I’m betting many analysts expected a 173-0 season from them. But on Friday, my prediction was proven wrong. For you see, with the Nationals loss, the Diamondbacks were officially eliminated from playoff contention. It’s normal for the Nationals to have September losses that have such a great negative impact on other people. But before this year the negative impact wasn’t felt by other teams, but rather by fans who had to turn to greasy food to fill the happiness void in our lives. But now, we control the fate of dozens of players and thousands of fans. Tonight, we decide if Milwaukee makes it or doesn’t. I’m sure thinking that Milwaukee doesn’t deserve to make the playoffs. Unless maybe they send a little gift our way. Yovani Gallardo will probably do…

…Or cheese. Cause cheese is delicious.

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Run of the Mil Victory: Brewers Put Out Most Disappointing Product Since Bud Light

Roger Bernadina finds the palm of Edwin Jackson’s hand to be extremely emotional. (Photo by Mike McGinnis/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 8, Brewers 2.

Dame of the Game:

Edwin Jackson: Win, 7 IP, 8 H, 1 BB, 0 R, 4 K; 1-2, 1 BB, 2 R. Jackson did his best Stephen Strasburg impression by being a dominating force on the mound and a threat at the plate. He also dipped his face in powdered sugar, which indeed turned out as racist as you’d imagine.

Shame of the Game:

Yovani Gallardo: Loss, 5 IP, 7 H, 2 BB, 7 ER, 6 K. Gallard’oh!

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It was almost three years ago to the day, on July 28, 2009, that the Nationals last won in Milwaukee. It had also been 79 years since a Washington baseball team was 20 games above .500. It too had been a lifetime since Tom Gorzelanny saw a woman’s breasts. Two of these streaks came to an end tonight, and let’s be honest, they were the more likely of the two to end. The Nationals finally got to Milwaukee in their own yard, which had been so hard to do before because of the distracting odor of cheese. But now, the Nationals have made Miller Park their house, which is really nice. Their other house lacked a roof, making having guests over during the rain difficult.

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