Tag Archives: Zach Duke

WERTH. HERE. ESPINOSA. GONE. RENDON. HERE. RODRIGUEZ. GONE. KROL. HERE. DUKE. GONE. OH. SHIT.

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My mind.

Where to begin… Well, I was born in New York City, and grew up in…

Oh, right. I meant, where to begin about these transactions.

Well, Jayson Werth is back from injury, Anthony Rendon is back after a few starts at AAA at 2B, and Ian Krol is here. I guess Krol Show got canceled or something and he needed a new job.

But some surprising corresponding moves happened, that were also well deserved.

Henry Rodriguez was designated for assignment. The team offered to get him a limo to the airport, but they decided to not spend the money since they know how much he likes walking.

Zach Duke is gone as well. Poor Zach Duke. We dedicated a week to you, and now this. Well hopefully you find happiness elsewhere, although I’ve been to Harrisburg and aside from the diner, not much made me smile.

Lastly, and most surprisingly, Danny Espinosa seems to have vanished. We know he couldn’t have gone far, since he doesn’t know how to walk. We’re all still waiting to hear what exactly happened, but it’s hard to believe that our double play combo is Despinosa could be over. What now? Desbardozzi? Desdon? Yeah, sure, those will be more productive. But if a baseball player doesn’t have a good nickname, is he really even that good? That’s why Rich Garces is the 10-time defending Cy Young and Strasburg isn’t.

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A Giant Shit (Named Rafael Soriano)

Bryce Harper celebrates scoring the go-ahead run in the 10th inning of game three by singing every aria from Mozart's "Don Giovanni" in succession. (AP Photo/Ben Margot)

Bryce Harper celebrates scoring the go-ahead run in the 10th inning of game three by singing every aria from Mozart’s “Don Giovanni” in succession. (AP Photo/Ben Margot)

Game 1:

Giants 8, Nationals 0

Oh, Zach Duke. I’m not mad. I’m just…disappointed. We dedicated a whole week to you this offseason. We did our best to make you feel welcomed and loved in the Nationals family. We took you in off the streets, despite your filthy, mangy hair and rabid foaming mouth. We bathed you, fed you, clothed you, neutered you. We gave you everything we had to give.

And this…this is how you repay us? 4 ER in 3 IP?  How could you be so ungrateful? I will not strike you, Zach Duke. I will not even raise my voice.

But I never want to see you again, Zach Duke. Begone from this place, and do not return.  Continue reading

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2012 Nationals Player Profile: Zach Duke

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The Duke and his jester pass judgment.

In honor of Zach Duke Week here at the Zimmerman(n) Telegram, we present to you the final 2012 Nationals Player Profile of 2012: the Dukester himself.

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Brrr-brrrr-brrrr-BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (a trumpet heralds the arrival of Zack Duke, Duke of Zachs) 

Court Master: Welcome, one and all, to the court of the Duke of Zachs. The Duke will hear all of your petitions today. Know that the righteous will be treated with fairness and generosity, but the deceivers will receive their due punishment.

The first petitioner may step forward.

Continue reading

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Zach Duke Retweets Us

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An accurate depiction of my emotions when I found out.

We have made efforts in the past to reach out to Nationals players, trying to make them and their followers aware of our efforts here at The Zimmerman(n) Telegram. One time recently I tweeted at Michael Morse in Morse Code, asking how he felt. He replied with “Sick!” He was either failing to understand what I had asked, or he was desperately calling for help.

Just a few days ago, I tweeted our story about Bob and F.P. returning to F.P. Santangelo, which led to him following us on Twitter. I can assume he liked it, but maybe he just follows anyone who tweets at him. Although being followed by big names isn’t new for us. We’re followed by @IanDesmondNews which totally isn’t a bot or anything.

But just yesterday, a story of ours was retweeted by Zach Duke, right in the midst of Zach Duke Week. Here’s the proof!

Continue reading

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My Personal Connection to Zach Duke

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My brother took this photo, so that means I know Zach like a brother. Right?

Over the years I have traveled across America, attending hundreds of baseball games. During this time, I’ve had some pretty cool experiences with different baseball players. Sadly, Zach Duke isn’t one of the interesting story providers. I met him briefly once though, and have a few other stories that I remember that have to do with Zach.

Continue reading

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Nats Sign Bill Bray

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Yes Bill, I see the ball. No need to show off, it’s not that impressive.

There’s no better follow up to the announcement of Zach Duke Week than a post having nothing to do with Zach Duke. The Nationals have brought back former-Nat Bill Bray on a minor league deal. Bray pitched for the team in 2006 before being traded with Royce Clayton (yes, the Hall of Fame candidate), Brendan Harris, Gary Majewski, and Daryl Thompson to the Reds for Austin Kearns, Felipe Lopez, and Ryan Wagner. With Bray coming back to us I think we definitely won this trade. I was on the fence about Jim Bowden as GM, but now I fully support him.

Bray was a 2004 1st-round pick for the Expos. How he ended up in the Nationals organization, well I’m not sure. There’s no record of a trade between the two teams or anything. It’s as if Bray just appeared in our organization in 2005. Weird.

What? Bowden isn’t GM anymore? Huh…

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Introducing Zach Duke Week

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Zach found no joy in being overshadowed by his wife on their special day. Well it’s your special week now, Zach. Enjoy it.

One of this blog’s recurring segments is our player profile series. Starting this past Spring Training, we set out to profile every Nationals player who had a chance to compete for and ultimately play on the major league team. As new players joined the team during the season, we made sure to profile them as well. However at one point towards the end of the year, we realized that we had forgotten to profile Zach Duke.

Given the team’s playoff hopes, our focus became situated elsewhere. We had to put Zach’s profile on the back burner. However we vowed to do something to honor him when he returned to the spotlight.

Thus, with Duke re-signing with the team, I present to you Zach Duke Week. Over the course of the next week, expect at least a single post about Zach everyday, honoring the great player that he is. I hope you and him forgive us for overlooking his player profile initially. We promise to have one up this week, as well as a great deal more.

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Nationals Re-Sign Zach Duke

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“As long as they keep feeding me more of these towels, I’ll be very happy in Washington!”

The Nationals have re-signed Zach Duke to a major league contract, according to Amanda Comak. The team has also re-signed Zach Duke to a minor league contract, according to Rotoworld. I am now reporting that the Nationals have re-signed Zach Duke to a diminished league contract. Expect Bill Ladson to soon report something about an augmented league contract.

If Duke does play on the major league squad this season he’ll be replacing Tom Gorzelanny. That makes this signing especially attractive. I look forward to being able to keep my eyes open again during late inning blowouts.

Update: The Nationals twitter confirms the deal to be for a major league contract. Just a minor change to my story, I hope it doesn’t diminish your enjoyment of the jokes I made before.

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On the Road to the Playoffs, TomTom Directs Us Towards a Win

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With all eyes on the screen, Tyler realizes that nobody will notice if he takes a quick peek at Chad Tracy’s butt. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals STILL DIVISION CHAMPS (otherwise known as 4), Phillies 2.

Dame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-3, 2 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 1 RBI, 1 BB. An Adam Bomb clearly went off tonight. How else would you explain the severe physical deformities of the Phillies fans present? …Huh? Cheese whiz, you say?

Shame of the Game:

Josh Lindblom: Loss, 1 IP, 3 H, 1 BB, 2 ER. With performances like these I would say that the Phillies got the worse end of the Shane Victorino trade. But then I remember they sent Shane Victorino far away, so they clearly won.

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Tom Gorzelanny is like the ugly duckling. After months of us making fun of him for how he looked, he showed up today and put together a solid start to set the Nationals on the right track for Tuesday’s game. I’m more willing to accept him now. Sadly for him, he’s not exactly like the ugly duckling, in that his looks are still subpar. Replacing Gio in a spot start is a tough task, especially when you’ve got something weird going on with your mouth like Tom does. But he shone bright. We’d recommend you not look directly at him though. Because he’s shining so bright of course… Ok, I lied, it’s cause of something else.

Continue reading

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